Have you ever payed attention to how you view the exterior world & the people who occupy its space. Many time we see the outer enviorment with our own unique eyes, often times manipulating it to better suit our own individual needs verses the actual truth to which it exist. The reality is, we see things from our own personal mental & emotional projector sensory system based on our personal upbringing & environment.
I never once was taught from the early age of my adoption how to mourn & grieve my first initial loss that ended up effecting my entire life. I think because we are babies, the world around us was incapable of understanding the dynamics of this replacement mother/baby switch, believing we as children didn’t have anything to grieve. Adoptees are looked upon as a blessing in someones else’s life, while our own personal trauma from it goes unnoticed, ignored or dismissed, acting as if this loss never happened to us.
My first real informative memory of opinion outside my home life was my being held back in 1st grade & the humiliation is suffered with the same first grade teacher & on the playground with my peers. I was teased, made fun of & called a lot of hurtful names for being stupid, retreating me to a place of make believe & isolation. They must have been true if my entire educational system believed this of me, handicapping my entire school experience from there on out. You would never know this now by meeting me today, what I had suffered from as a child.
Really breath in this life force with full on intention to your breath that will stimulate the Synchronization of vibration to the flow of your authentic being, sending waves of alignment to the visions of your desire & dreams. It is here that the infinite imagination exists. By deliberately changing the scope of the brainpower over to your divine source, you will naturally begin to change the rest of the narrative that cycles the entire system daily into beautiful fruition.
It saddens me deeply that this human infectious disease & infestation of HATRED is overpopulating this world more than any other virus on this planet. The numbers of this man made pathogen are frightening me more than any of the numbers associated with Mother Natures illnesses. If nature can have a cure for everything it produces, why aren’t we as humans desperately trying to find the cure or remedy within our own twisted fucked up ways & eradicate what is ultimately killing all of us again & again over time.
What I did instead was use this moment wisely for my highest good, really dissecting that box I believed I was once designed for no longer fits me emotionally, mentally, physically or spiritually. I think personally the biggest virus I chose to evade during this entire time & not become infected with is the memetic virus of the human mind. The last 3 months I have grossly watch it spread from person to person, contaminated by the outlets used to intentionally programed us with fear. It really makes me think about how I intend on conducting myself from here on out, stepping away even more from the things that are simply processed instead of organic.
I always felt haunted in my own body by the ghostly feeling of these unresolved bleeding wounds of being given away. Even as a grown woman, I still needed & wanted answers that only she had the power to relinquish over me. What would make a mother want to give their child away was a very big question I had, especially becoming a mother of my own adding more emotions to wounds that would never seem to heal.
I had an epiphany yesterday after celebrating my husbands 42 birthday this past weekend. I realized in that singular moment of pure happiness that if those various suicide attempts I had tried way back when would have taken my life, I wouldn’t have be able to be where I am today. I would have missed out on such a beautiful life …
A little & A lot has happened over quarantine these last few months, taking my flow of emotions from one place to another without apology or remorse since that’s the way life rolls. Instead I decided to become more vigilant to find the beauty in this unexpected event knowing that what was before, will …