I had an epiphany yesterday after celebrating my husbands 42 birthday this past weekend. I realized in that singular moment of pure happiness that if those various suicide attempts I had tried way back when would have taken my life, I wouldn’t have be able to be where I am today. I would have missed out on such a beautiful lifeContinue reading “Life After Narcissistic Abuse”
It was in that dreadful moment that I wasn’t chosen & disregarded that I realized I had to literally begin to mourn the loss of my living father who metaphorically died that day as my dad. I was horribly criticized by the flying monkeys of my narcissistic mother & ostracized from this family for apparently abandoning my “parents”, even though it was them who let me go that day. They remain toxically comfortable in their victim mentality, using the story of their own distorted truth to narrate the fucked up dynamics of their broken family.
I don’t think you ever really realize what you signed up for up for, until you are knee deep in enemy territory with an entire former family (I had to eventually cut family ties) rooting for your failure..still to this day mind you..
Yesterday was WORLD NARCISSIST ABUSE AWARENESS DAY. All the naysayers & haters can roll their eyes until they’re dizzy & pass out, but this abuse is extremely real mentally & emotionally as real can be. It is disguised with smoke & mirrors, operating in a covert physiologically distrutive way, hiding its marks within the emotional/ mental body creating traumatic invisible wounds that don’tContinue reading “#ifmywoundswerevisible”
I stopped participating in the conversing art of bullshit a couple of years ago and got away from the “bullshit cult” I unintentionally belonged too in the process, REALLY!..we all know its a cultish language that’s made up and full of empty vocabulary words that kool aids your brain to make you believe in something that is the farthest from the truth to hook line andContinue reading “the cultish effect in speaking bullsh!t as a first language..”
I have been a huge SUPER SOUL SUNDAY fan for a long while now, watching my DVR episodes when I need a spiritual pick me up or just some added food for thought..i have always loved and respected Oprah and found this specific series that she does something I could relate too, telling my husband one day it willContinue reading “your children are not your children..an enlighten perspective”
i had a dream the other night that I was visited by a polar bear coming out of the water up onto the ice and gazing intensely into my face as if it was intentionally conveying an unspoken message for me to hear..i believe this polar bear is my dream spirit totem protector.. do you ever find yourself havingContinue reading “i believe this polar bear is my dream spirit totem protector..”
i grew up in an adopted dysfunctional family having a narcissist as a mother.. out of the 3 of us, one of us was designated to play the role of the scapegoat otherwise referred to as the black sheep of the family..im pretty sure i willingly took turns playing that role with my younger sibling passing it back and forth whenever it was convenient and suitedContinue reading “over time i became a scapegoat survivor..”
so mothers day started off interesting to say the least..it all went down with a phone call from my teenage daughter not really wishing me a happy mothers day BUT instead asking me if at around 430 (we were picking them up at 130 from her dads) she could go with her father instead to his mothers day family BBQ..how ya like them apples.. my immediate response of rightful disappointment to her question was retaliated with the quicknessContinue reading “THE MOTHERS DAY SHAFT..”
I got some pretty fucking wonderful birthday gifts from my beloved husband and kids, friends and clients, despite the horrible rotten no good kinda day I had on my birthday last week..lets start by saying, i have never been a big fan of this day for many different reasons, experiences and my personal feelings surrounding it..its a weirdContinue reading “those beautiful thoughtful gifts that I got a week ago are still sitting in piles half unopened because I cant be bothered at the moment, and ONE OF THEM IS A NEW PURSE< CAN YOU IMAGINE..”