I don’t ever remember while growing up being taught or guided on how to manage the emotional attributes of sadness & grief. I remember one time when I was about 8 years old my nana calling the house in hysterics to inform my mom that her father had fallen ill & was in the hospital.Continue reading “The Power Beyond Grief”
There are usually specific times in our lives that call upon us to participate in some epic shit created by the universe, usually when we are not feeling so incredibly outstanding. Many times we see & view these moments as more of a personal assassination when we are at the lowest points in our life, challengingContinue reading “The Birth Of The Legendary Phoenix”
Being adopted, I’ve noticed in general we are hardly ever taught how to openly properly mourn & grieve our first greatest initial loss, that ends up dictating & effecting our entire emotional life afterwards. Human emotions are built in stages during infancy, childhood & adolescence registering & governing the emotional information into our adulthood. ThisContinue reading “The Emotional Truth About Adoptees Grief & Invisible Loss”
Have you ever had one of those relationships (physically, spiritually, emotionally) with something or someone that you feel you need to hold onto for dear life with in order to maintain its connection. You cling tightly to this relationship even though you known in the deepest parts of your brain & soul that it’s unhealthyContinue reading “The Relentless Loop Of Fear”
The power to forgive myself was something I learned when I began to recognize & become hyper aware of the energy surrounding a victim mentality within the sins of my own self hatred. I had once willingly allowed room for these kind of destructive feelings, thoughts, beliefs, ideas & stigma to plagued me throughout my life,Continue reading “The Power Of Forgiveness & Its Act Of Mercy”
I discovered a secret about my biological mother that I had spent my entire life formulating an entirely different belief & opinion around after meeting up with her childhood best friend for tea some years ago. I think I spun a completely different story in my head because of the subjective thoughts that were portrayedContinue reading “November Is National Adoption Month ~ The Secret Gift From My Biological Mother”
My first real informative memory of opinion outside my home life was my being held back in 1st grade & the humiliation is suffered with the same first grade teacher & on the playground with my peers. I was teased, made fun of & called a lot of hurtful names for being stupid, retreating me to a place of make believe & isolation. They must have been true if my entire educational system believed this of me, handicapping my entire school experience from there on out. You would never know this now by meeting me today, what I had suffered from as a child.
It saddens me deeply that this human infectious disease & infestation of HATRED is overpopulating this world more than any other virus on this planet. The numbers of this man made pathogen are frightening me more than any of the numbers associated with Mother Natures illnesses. If nature can have a cure for everything it produces, why aren’t we as humans desperately trying to find the cure or remedy within our own twisted fucked up ways & eradicate what is ultimately killing all of us again & again over time.
I have suffered many forms of this abuse throughout my life, causing me to question the lack of love & self worth I once had. In some unconscious capacity, I believed I deserved to be treated in this destructive manner, being adopted, feeling so unlovable & not being able to actually see the marks of abuse upon my skin but rather feel them in the deepest places of my psyche. My earliest form of love came at the hands of my adopted narcissistic mother, so knowing any differently was never my option, till much later in life when I met my now husband.