You Have To Be Selfish For Your Own Self Care.

Sometimes you have to be selfish (you read that correctly) in the most genuine healthy way for your own self preservation, which goes against the nature of most people & personalities regardless of how you were raised.  Im sure even the word SELFISH alone probably makes some, maybe even most feel utterly uncomfortable because it has such a negative mental inplantation connotation surrounding it.

The Harmful Effects Caused From The Opinions Of Others.

My first real informative memory of opinion outside my home life was my being held back in 1st grade & the humiliation is suffered with the same first grade teacher & on the playground with my peers.  I was teased, made fun of & called a lot of hurtful names for being stupid, retreating me to a place of make believe & isolation.  They must have been true if my entire educational system believed this of me, handicapping my entire school experience from there on out.  You would never know this now by meeting me today, what I had suffered from as a child.

The Virus Of Hate

It saddens me deeply that this human infectious disease & infestation of HATRED is overpopulating this world more than any other virus on this planet.  The numbers of this man made pathogen are frightening me more than any of the numbers associated with Mother Natures illnesses.  If nature can have a cure for everything it produces, why  aren’t we as humans desperately trying to find the cure or remedy within our own twisted fucked up ways & eradicate what is ultimately killing all of us again & again over time.

The Scale & The Dumpster

I had never in my life struggled with my own weight & could probably eat many of you under the table.  I did however grow up in a home with an adopted mother who body shamed me because of her own weight loss & diet obsessed body dysmorphia imagine, which got consciously transferred onto me.  Unlike her, I was graced with a set of biological genetic genes that is nothing like hers that created a jealousy instead, unknowingly internalizing this shame within my own beautiful body.

The Human Spirit Is The Most Remarkable Warrior

I have suffered many forms of this abuse throughout my life, causing me to question the lack of love & self worth I once had.  In some unconscious capacity, I believed I deserved to be treated in this destructive manner, being adopted, feeling so unlovable & not being able to actually see the marks of abuse upon my skin but rather feel them in the deepest places of my psyche.  My earliest form of love came at the hands of my adopted narcissistic mother, so knowing any differently was never my option, till much later in life when I met my now husband.

I pronounce today, step dad day!

I don’t think you ever really realize what you signed up for up for, until you are knee deep in enemy territory with an entire former family (I had to eventually cut family ties) rooting for your failure..still to this day mind you..

whats your price for fashion and pain?

I tried on a pair of Jimmy CHoo high heeled sandals last week for shits and giggles because they happened to be my size (5) and were a snake skin iridescent goldish color that where tantalizing to my eyes..truthfully I put them on because I wanted to see what the big fucking deal was about such expensive shoes.. i put them on …

#ifmywoundswerevisible

Yesterday was WORLD NARCISSIST ABUSE AWARENESS DAY.  All the naysayers & haters can roll their eyes until they’re dizzy & pass out,  but this abuse is extremely real mentally & emotionally as real can be.  It is disguised with smoke & mirrors, operating in a covert physiologically distrutive way,  hiding its marks within the emotional/ mental body creating traumatic invisible wounds that don’t …