National Adoption Awareness Month ~ Behind Closed Doors

I was adopted into a generational abusive dysfunctional family, having a narcissist for a mother & an enabler as a father.   Each one of their 3 adopted children were groomed & designed to play out of the roles designated by the monarch.  We unknowingly & willingly took turns throughout our lives in a triangulation of the golden …

November Is Adoption Awareness Month ~ My Biological Father Jack & The Gift In The Wake Of His Death

I was reunited with my biological father jack (who lived in the State of Washington) back in 2000 via snail mail, phone calls, email & eventually facebook 2 years after I legally opened my adoption file back in 1998.  My initial response to the lack of reception was heartache & disappointment that nobody showed interest …

The Invisible Grief & Loss Of Adoption

I never once was taught from the early age of my adoption how to mourn & grieve my first initial loss that ended up effecting my entire life. I think because we are babies, the world around us was incapable of understanding the dynamics of this replacement mother/baby switch, believing we as children didn’t have anything to grieve.  Adoptees are looked upon as a blessing in someones else’s life, while our own personal trauma from it goes unnoticed, ignored or dismissed, acting as if this loss never happened to us.

The Wounds Of Adoption

I always felt haunted in my own body by the ghostly feeling of these unresolved bleeding wounds of being given away.  Even as a grown woman,  I still needed & wanted answers that only she had the power to relinquish over me.  What would make a mother want to give their child away was a very big question I had, especially becoming a mother of my own adding more emotions to wounds that would never seem to heal.

The Wounds Of Adoption

I always felt haunted in my own body by the ghostly feeling of these unresolved bleeding wounds of being given away.  Even as a grown woman,  I still needed & wanted answers that only she had the power to relinquish over me.  What would make a mother want to give their child away was a very big question I had, especially becoming a mother of my own adding more emotions to wounds that would never seem to heal.

Im About To Meet My Biological Mothers Sister, My Aunt

After some back & forth questions of my identity, the veil came down & together we embraced this unique reunion closing the circle to my biological mothers.  For over a few years now we have been in contact, making the gap between us seem a bit smaller but today that is about to change.  Jody (my aunt) is physically going to meet me this afternoon for the very first time & spend the week in Michigan getting know my family.  This again is another circle closed by the sister of my biological parent that could never make the journey themself.  Today Im going to meet my very own flesh & blood on my mothers side.

The Invisible Grief & Loss Of Adoption

I never once was taught from the early age of my adoption how to mourn & grieve my first initial loss that ended up effecting my entire life. I think because we are babies, the world around us was incapable of understanding the dynamics of this replacement mother/baby switch, believing we as children didn’t have anything to grieve.  Adoptees are looked upon as a blessing in someones else’s life, while our own personal trauma from it goes unnoticed, ignored or dismissed, acting as if this loss never happened to us.

its nice to see finally a series “THIS IS US” that describes a part of me in a rawness otherwise non adopted folks will never begin to fathom

    my husband and I just starting watching the series “this is us” on demand by my clients recommendation adding a bit more depth (lol) into our otherwise sheepish bravo reality t.v  housewives run we have been having for the last looong while..who knew we would both need a tissue box for every fucking episode and we only just finished the 3rd one.. …