whats your price for fashion and pain?

I tried on a pair of Jimmy CHoo high heeled sandals last week for shits and giggles because they happened to be my size (5) and were a snake skin iridescent goldish color that where tantalizing to my eyes..truthfully I put them on because I wanted to see what the big fucking deal was about such expensive shoes..

i put them on thinking I would instantly transform into a princess yet I didn’t and even went as far as trying to twirl in them..these babies were $569.89 (on sale mind you) so I should have felt like a million bucks, but truthfully I already feel like a queen in my last years red swedish hasbeen clogs.. Continue reading “whats your price for fashion and pain?”

#ifmywoundswerevisible

yesterday was WORLD NARCISSIST ABUSE AWARENESS DAY..all the haters can roll their eyes until their dizzy and pass out but this abuse is very real as real can be, its just extremely under the radar and covert creating traumatic invisible wounds that don’t externally bleed..

I grew up in a home with adoptive parents that consisted of a mother who suffers from this personality disorder and a co dependent father who is a professional enabler..you would never know the amount of dysfunction that went on in our home due to the extraordinary lengths my mother went through to be a pillar of goodness in all her external collective communities.. Continue reading “#ifmywoundswerevisible”

the American oxymoron “happy memorial day”..

I caught myself the other day at work being like every other ignorant American and wished my client a “happy” memorial day..i retracted my statement immediately with a look of apology thinking what an oxymoron that is and how truly insensitive it is to our people and country, as if we have been brainwashed to make it about something that it isnt..

we honor our dead with shopping and sales, BBQs and excessive parting, wishing everybody a happy memorial day making it look and feel like a full blown celebration instead..im not even sure why we have this holiday if we cant even STAND TOGETHER as a country for a moment collectively and unify ourselves with a moment of DESERVED silence and commemorate those who gave their service for our freedom..

I learned the true value of life while living in Israel, a country that is hated and criticized for actually being alive, yet somehow had the soul wisdom to shows more respect, love and honor for those that have fallen then most country’s as a collective whole..we have stolen and taken so many ideas and ways of other cultures over time, making them American, and have yet never incorporated a meaning and true intention to this grossly celebrated holiday..

so I took it upon myself to be the suburban housewife spokesperson and dedicate 5 minutes of my life this morning paying respect in a moment of silence for all of those who served and gave their lives for this country we live in..i have no shame in showing appreciation where it rightfully belongs, and standing as a proud American in honor of those who no longer stand before us..aren’t we the home of the free and the land of the brave? peace love faith hope ❤ ❤ ❤

 

 

I am the light..

I never realized how bright my light is until I came to terms with how disruptive and chaotic my environment had been surviving on emotional crumbs that I thought were full course meals of sustenance..i never put together that the ache in my emotional body was that of starvation, surviving on processed emotional nutrients of fuckedupness that nobody ever wanted to talk about because it requires to admit your deepest darkest truth about yourself that is spent in hiding..

being and feeling utterly abandoned from the get go, I “ate” whatever love looked like out of hunger, even if it was abusive not knowing any better trying to feel full and nourished on very limited longevity..i can remember always searching for something more, because that is essentially what you do when the happy meal wears off, accepting whatever comes your way like a street dog taking scraps from any stranger that wants to feed it.. Continue reading “I am the light..”

The art in healing..

ive cried a lot lately, for so many different reasons I would really need to write a book to convey all its glorious which has been a thought I have played with for a long time now..I just dont seem to want to hold my shit in anymore (this working with crystals is really powerful), breaking apart emotionally almost as a form of a spiritual exorcism to rid the emotional body of its lingering pain that I feel is currently taking place inside of me wanting absolute freedom..

I think this break though that has been going on is in preparation for the greatness that is formulating around me especially since I am transitioning into the later half of life reaching 50 in less than a year and a half..it is forcing me to go back to the place where it all began needing the biggest form of compassion for healing..i believe as unhealed adults which most of us are, we still need to rewind into our inner childhood and give attention to the areas which are wounded struggling to evolve through its unfinished business in our today life.. Continue reading “The art in healing..”

A “bad moms” kinda mother day

I woke up to bouquet of white and pink magical roses yesterday for mothers day with reminiscent photos of when I was a single mom to my oldest daughter on the kitchen island..im going to openly admit that mothers day is a “holiday” I have long struggled with from being raised by a narcissist that actually has been more of a painful thorn in my heart and gut over the years, so it was unexpected serge of sweet loving happiness..

I know for a lot of people this day can be quite emotional, painful in fact for so many people for so many reasons with many layers of complicated feelings or sensitivities..for me personally this whole mother thing has been rightfully confusing as it begins at my birth to a mother I was ripped away from for all her loving reasons, to me being adopted to a woman who could only love herself, never properly really bonding with me or any of her children for that matter, to finally becoming a mother myself, which has let’s not lie been book worthy.. Continue reading “A “bad moms” kinda mother day”

The chosen service to heal..

ive been pretty occupied recently with some on line summit courses and doing my crystal thing while trying to find my footing on a path ive choosen to take..the thing about change is, that there are so many things to pay attention too that sometimes its extremely overwhelming and stimulating all at the same time while I continue to plant lots of seeds everywhere happily, watching to see where it will take me.. 

a couple of sundays ago I was featured at my husbands office for a spring event where I openly invited people into my personal sacred space, while having them participate in an experience with me and my crystals..i am aware that I am not for everyone, but i was touched and deeply humbled at the experience myself at how well received I was by the people who blindly came to see what I was all about.. Continue reading “The chosen service to heal..”

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