Don’t Trade In Your Grief For Sabatage

There are many times in our lives when we must deal with the physical & metaphorical death or the severing of ties of an ended relationship (personal or professional).  It is impossible to fully remove yourself from the relationship in a healthy manner if you don’t begin to mourn & grieve the loss that is happening …

Season Of The Scorpio

WELCOME TO THE SEASON OF THE SCORPIO ( can you hear the sounds of my crackly witchy laugh).  I have been antipating all year long this journey back to my beloved sign for an over all reboot.  I suggest you buckle it up buttercups for a lengthy ride through the belly of the underworld & these even more mysterious uncertain …

The Invisible Grief & Loss Of Adoption

I never once was taught from the early age of my adoption how to mourn & grieve my first initial loss that ended up effecting my entire life. I think because we are babies, the world around us was incapable of understanding the dynamics of this replacement mother/baby switch, believing we as children didn’t have anything to grieve.  Adoptees are looked upon as a blessing in someones else’s life, while our own personal trauma from it goes unnoticed, ignored or dismissed, acting as if this loss never happened to us.

The Harmful Effects Caused From The Opinions Of Others.

My first real informative memory of opinion outside my home life was my being held back in 1st grade & the humiliation is suffered with the same first grade teacher & on the playground with my peers.  I was teased, made fun of & called a lot of hurtful names for being stupid, retreating me to a place of make believe & isolation.  They must have been true if my entire educational system believed this of me, handicapping my entire school experience from there on out.  You would never know this now by meeting me today, what I had suffered from as a child.

The Last Day Of My Pandemic Vacation.

What I did instead was use this moment wisely for my highest good, really dissecting that box I believed I was once designed for no longer fits me emotionally, mentally, physically or spiritually. I think personally the biggest virus I chose to evade during this entire time & not become infected with is the memetic virus of the human mind.  The last 3 months I have grossly watch it spread from person to person, contaminated by the outlets used to intentionally programed us with fear.  It really makes me think about how I intend on conducting myself from here on out, stepping away even more from the things that are simply processed instead of organic.

The Human Spirit Is The Most Remarkable Warrior

I have suffered many forms of this abuse throughout my life, causing me to question the lack of love & self worth I once had.  In some unconscious capacity, I believed I deserved to be treated in this destructive manner, being adopted, feeling so unlovable & not being able to actually see the marks of abuse upon my skin but rather feel them in the deepest places of my psyche.  My earliest form of love came at the hands of my adopted narcissistic mother, so knowing any differently was never my option, till much later in life when I met my now husband.