I don’t ever remember while growing up being taught or guided on how to manage the emotional attributes of sadness & grief. I remember one time when I was about 8 years old my nana calling the house in hysterics to inform my mom that her father had fallen ill & was in the hospital. I involuntarily went into a complete breakdown of giggles & laughter (that I was scolded for) as a stress response to this emotional information of that moment I couldn’t handle.
I never really learned until later in my adulthood how to manage sadness, loss & grief, mostly because it was never addressed or spoken of in my childhood home. I had a narcissistic mother who was as cold as frost on a winters day & with a father who was teased for being emotional & soft. My self defense mechanism for heavy emotions would automatically turn dark & into suicidal thoughts. I didn’t have the emotional maturity, thinking it was much easier to die than it would be to live though the feelings of pain I had limited if no vocabulary for.
The glorious truth was I had been unknowingly surviving in an emotional state of grief from the moment I was taken away from my biological mother at birth & given up for adoption. Who would ever have thought to think that a baby would know & internalize this kind of trauma, carrying it into every emotional situation here on afterwards. I was dealing with some strong deep feelings that were externally downplayed & saturated with fear as a way to avoid any conversation that would peel the layer of transparency.
Some of the hardest human acts to accomplish in life alone are the ones that require of us to show up for ourself in heartache & disappointment. I notice that many time people get trapped in the quicksand of devastation, frozen in a state of shock & panic that disrupts that natural process of working through a time period of mourning. Long term suffering will eventually corrode the energetic pathways that are used to ignite the sparks that are connected to the energy centers that support the nurturing & health of the human body.
The difficult part of this human conditioning is the dire need to learn what was not taught to us about loss, failure, disappointment & suffering that has effected our personal belief system. This outdated way of thinking has debilitated the ability to want to do the work in healing that gives space for recovery which then allows one to move forward with their life. Many people after any kind of loss can not find the strength or power to see what lays on the other side of it, giving up while staying frozen in time.
The world of art, literature, music & theater have brought forth some of the most elegant, beautiful, timeless profound masterpieces from the heart of pain & suffering that often times acts as a healing guide. My own source of creativity at times come from that place of grief, containing an energy of rhapsody when properly tapped into. This became my own unique power source that generates its work of art when I’m creating, having its own healing attributes in my writings & jewelry.
Some people slip into an entrapment of an Archetype with this heavy persona, learning to fully embody their sorrow & sadness for the rest of their life. Often times this leads to creating unhealthy habits & addictions to support its furry of recycled emotion, becoming lost instead of found on the other side of grief. People will begin to suffer side effect physically from the trapped emotions that linger all throughout the body, finding places to manifest its unmanaged storm & turn into into physical aliments of dis-ease.
I was unknowingly taught by my former mother to shame any kind of loss & grief even when I divorced, digesting those cynical emotions as nourishment. Her own inability to console or be consoled was transformed into coaching her children on how to hate themselves, which worked in keeping us small. I didn’t learn how to properly grieve anything until I went into healing for the first time in my mid 40’s.
Sometimes its even a huge systemic cultural problem when it comes loss, sorrow & grief. It’s forbidden for a person to move on grooming them to believe that life won’t exist at the absence of a situation or presence, betraying the lost instead of teaching one how to honor what’s left in this beautiful life of the living. Why does happiness come across as is a sin?
I was listening to a podcast & they spoke of a disorder that I never even knew existed. Post Traumatic Growth Disorder (google it) is a real syndrome that prevents one from feeling or being able to move on, seeing it as a problem to go forward in life. We have essentially created a distorted belief system around pain, suffering, anger, sadness & grief. You can create a renewal of self from the ashes & ruins of your devastation, without dishonoring or dismissing what the past represented. It’s ok to find happiness after heartache. Peace Love Faith Hope ❤ ❤ ❤
Updated Repost Aug 2017