Ever since I can remember I have been naturally curious & inquisitive about who I am & where I came from as someone adopted. I have spent my lifetime looking at my features trying to imagine who I really look like & wondering if the people who gave me up wondered within their own features if looked like them. There is something about the DNA component, the undisclosed heritage & the biological aspect that is absent when you begin to try to identify who you are.
After Jacks tragic death in 2011 I went through a grieving process, feeling like this story can’t be over. I hadn’t done what I had sent out to do, allowing fear to fill in the blank spaces instead. I felt in my blood & bones that there was so much more out there for me to find, waiting for inspiration to knock on this door again. I had watched a reunion story of an adopted Jewish girl who discovered her family & roots that lead her back to a northern American/ Canadian Tribe. Back in the late 60’s early 70’s native children were stolen & taken from their families, being placed up for adoption or foster care in non Native American families as a way to white wash the future generations from their native heritage. (The Indian Child Welfare Act)
Jack had left me with a genealogy timeline going back 5 generation of his entire family. I was also gifted in this packet lots of information about my biological mother & her immediate family. When jack had made initial contact with me years prior, he had reached out to Chris to ask if she wanted to be apart of this reunion. She declined the invitation without reason & I unknowing learned later after my reunion with her sister that she had passed away a short time after his call, just shy of her 50 birthday.
I had hesitated for years in trying to find that material link, just browsing the yellow pages in hopes of finding out where my mother was. I knew she lived 30 minutes east of me & had many thoughts of wanting to show up there to see if she would maybe recognize me. I really wanted to respect her privacy yet there was something inside that kept nudging this idea, so only years later did I decide to do the unthinkable & search for her sister instead.
The internet became an amazing database & I ended up finding her on Linkedin. I decided in a Fuck It kind of moment to send her a message & ask her if Chris Cummings is her sister because I had a biological interest. She took a moment to respond, but replied with a question as to why I was asking. I told her that I was Chris’s biological daughter & with that another root of my family tree was starting to take shape.
Jody was only 7 when Chris got pregnant & gave me up for adoption, not really knowing any of the details until much later in her life. As serendipity goes, Jody had over time reached out to a friend asking about what it entails to search for a biological relative in hopes of wanting to find me. The belief inside that I knew I belonged was matched with open arms from the moment I first made contact. Both of my aunts on each side have lost their Parents, brothers & sister, making me the last standing offspring to each of their original families.
Like Monica, Jody & I had that instant connection with similar interests, making the connection to each other deeply meaningful. On both sides I am surrounded by a legacy of woman who are highly spiritual, intuitive & interested in the same things I was really, which is truly mind blowing. I grew up ashamed of my love for the occult, spending hours in the library secretly reading anything I could get my hands that allowed me to feel connected to something I knew came natural. All my life I felt like a Jewish girl stuck in an identity that didn’t belong to me. This other union truly validated the profound genetic, biological natural kinship that you simply just cant explain.
A few years later, Jody decided to make her own trip to Michigan & complete the maternal circle that Chris herself could never close. June 2017 I was physically reunited with my biological aunt Jody who I actually closely resemble. This reunion gave us both so much needed love & healing, Jody seeing her beloved sister again in the face of her daughter & me being able to see myself in a woman I craved to meet. You just cant eliminate & erase the biological out of someone.
Sometimes you have to wear your bravery in the form of vulnerability, if want answers to the questions you are seeking. It means opening yourself up to the possibility of hurt that happens when we discover & find out the truth. I had already figure out how to survive my life with bleeding wounds, that this would at least give me the answers I had spent my life dreaming about & the permission I needed to heal from it. Peace Love faith Hope <3 <3 <3
Revised Repost June 2017