I discovered a secret about my biological mother that I had spent my entire life formulating an entirely different belief & opinion around after meeting up with her childhood best friend for tea some years ago. I think I spun a completely different story in my head because of the subjective thoughts that were portrayed to me by my adoptive mother. While she might have been protecting herself & surviving in her own unhealed trauma, I was left to formulate beliefs that ended up being the farthest from the truth.
Ironically just before this whole incident happened, I decided with the push of my husband to start going for healing. I think I had spent so many years holding everything inside, that it was time to begin to unpack some of those distorted beliefs & heal. I felt safe with my healer as I began to unravel in her chair, feeling vulnerable as I chocked out the words to my pain through my tears. I told her that I had been adopted & that the relationship with my adoptive parents had been recently permanently severed due to life long narcissistic abuse I endured that I was no longing willing to be subjected to anymore. What happened after this appointment is nothing short of a miracle & a gift from the grave.
A few days after this first initial healing session, I received a message from my biological aunt that she had found her sister childhood best friend on social media. This woman specifically asked my aunt if she could contact me, wanting to meet & talk with me about my biological mother Chris. I cant make this shit up. Universal energy is plugged into everything, transforming our lives without ever realizing its presence. I truly believe the inner work of my healing appointment dialed the powers up to connect me back to a past that I needed to unlock. That inner little girl inside of me needed answers to the misinformed beliefs I created inside about the woman who left me the day of my birth.
I was invited to meet this woman who drove from another state to see & meet the child that her friend gave up for adoption 46 years before. My biological mother had been in touch with this woman up until her death 15 years prior, sharing her heart with only a few about the baby girl she gave away. I had the pleasure that day to be in the presence of a woman who opened her heart & stories of her long lived loved friendship with my mother, giving me information & photos that would forever change my life.
The Crittenton Home Of Unwed Mothers in Detroit where Chris had lived up until she had me, gave her one souvenir to keep. After giving birth to me, someone took a photo of us together with me in her arms before handing me off & never seeing me again. This specific photo remained in Chris’s wallet for the duration of her life, taking me with her every where she went. Her friend shared with me the stories of how Chris would pull out the photo from her wallet when they were together & fantasize about her daughter in wondering what ever happened to me. Not a day went by that I wasn’t on her mind & forever a photograph in her heart.
I truly believe the healing session was an instrument in connecting us together, giving me a gift from the grave that transformed the way I view my abandonment. Chris might have chosen to physically abandon me for rightfully so reasons (after leaning about her own childhood traumatic abuse) but never abandoned me in her heart & soul. This knowledge became the motherly healing threads that I needed to began to sew the wounds I had gaping open for years.
Sometimes we create a subjective truth based on information that is given from a place of invented beliefs. Many times the things we are taught to believe are the stories that the storyteller wants to believe themselves, which end up not being true at all. I spent the greater part of my life believing I was unworthy of a mothers love not being able to bond with my adoptive mother, while feeling less than & abandoned in the core essence of my soul.
The truth is I was always loved, by this woman who I couldn’t touch yet craved at biological level of connectedness. I couldn’t ever feel this energy because I was too busy being knee deep in the story that ended up being not true. I believe the universe works in mysterious ways in healing, when we are able to come to a place when we are ready to unpack our baggage & do the work. Sometimes the distorted things we are taught to believe, are the fictional stories created from someones else unhealed trauma. Peace Love Faith Hope <3<3 <3
Updated Repost 2016