Don’t Trade In Your Grief For Sabatage

There are many times in our lives when we must deal with the physical & metaphorical death or the severing of ties of an ended relationship (personal or professional).  It is impossible to fully remove yourself from the relationship in a healthy manner if you don’t begin to mourn & grieve the loss that is happening in its passing.  What most of us do instead is sabotage its existence, decorating it with angry hateful emotions that end up turning you into someone other than who you really are, while ignoring the hurt & pain that takes on a life of its own.  “The absence of grief leaves space for the emotional wounds to become infected & toxic by the omission of healing” MR.

Break ups & loss are the unfortunate part of the natural cycle of the universal existence that humans have a strong emotional connection too.  I believe many people sabotage themselves & others because they are ill equipped with dealing & handling these emotional psychological feelings out of fear of feeling left behind.  Why has grief become a such a negative emotion to have & many time overly improperly medicated for that in the long run prohibits & postpones this natural passage of our human existence that will negitively show up somewhere else in our personality & life.

It has taken me most of my entire life to understand this concept being raised in a sick narcissistic home where sabotaging was a viable superpower.  I am ashamed that as a kid I would operate in a manner of this persona, not really knowing any better or differently.  This segue pattern lasted into my adult hood if you crossed my path & did me wrong, operating from the hurt little girl inside with fierce a scorpio wrath that ended up always backfiring onto me.  I write this because I see so many grow up people behave in this same exact manner.

I finally decided to unscrewed myself when I realized the amount of guilt & shame that is blindly attached to this behavior that goes unidentified in the attributes of resentment, denial, anger & vengence that most likely end up becoming directed at other people.  I think one of the most powerful lessons a human can learn is how to heal the hurt caused by another without the other being a part of it.  You are in the end solely responsible for your own behavior & actions regardless of what has transpired or happened, making it your problem to heal & fix.

This is the journey of shadow work & enlightenment, going into the deeper darker aspects of one self in hopes of recovering the light source that has been dimmed down by the energetic cords that are draining the battery within.  There is a liberating freedom when you can pinpoint these toxic connection & pull the cords of attachment away in a manner that is healthy & nurturing, finding your own power source to plug back into.  I have sat in this dark place many times with myself, struggling to get real in the abandoned warehouse of my inner kingdom where  anger prevailed & sadness was an emotion I was taught to ignore.

People perceive forgiveness as an external thing, wanting & demanding it from an outer source without ever requiring of it from themselves as a form of their own required healing.  Our expectation of others is lost in translation from our own pain & suffering, especially when we can’t even begin to be merciful & kind to our own beautiful self. I had to find mercy in my own soul in order to allow for any kind of letting go & moving on, giving those old wounds attention & permission to heal for the benefit of my right to be healthy, happy & alive. Peace Love Faith Hope <3 <3 <3

 

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 Repost & update 10/26/2017