” YOU AND THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILDREN ARE THE ROOT..IT IS THE SEED..IF YOU CAN UPHOLD THEIR WHOLENESS, WHICH MEANS YOU HAVE TO HEAL YOUR BROKENNESS, YOU WILL LIBERATE YOUR CHILDREN”..
When I first heard this quote I had to roll it around my head a while, since I am not used to having any parent liberate me or know anyone else who was liberated & upheld to any wholeness what so ever. What was she even saying because It sounded so foreign that I had to really repeat it a dozen times in order for it to even begin to register within me.
I think for many of us, this statement probably goes directly over the head not even paying attention to the meaning & the sacredness of its intention. I know for most, the idea of healing the past emotionally, mentally, spiritually is traumatizing in itself & not something that is a choice to do so many fucked up years later.
I figured out back in my late teens the crisis of my spirit when I tried to take my life a couple of different times & failed. I was miserable in my own truth without feeling I had a voice in the matter & chose to lie about the pain I was in in order to avoid any more conflict & punishment that would arise from these attempts. I didn’t believe I would have received the help I had needed from the parents I had & would have had major blowback of repercussions from my narcissistic mother who didn’t know a thing about nurturing her adopted children.
I usually didn’t really openly talk about this time in my life, simply out of great shame & embarrassment. Being in active healing for the last 10 years allows me to express these specific moments which is freeing & liberating. It gave me the courage & ability to gift the extended branch to my daughters as I began to own my own shit I dumped on them, who now themselves are doing their own personal healing, feeling whole & liberated within their own beautiful skin.
I think it is imperative to get your shit in order so you can be a better you for yourself & the people who are around you. Our children suffer from our own brokeness. There is never a good time to work on yourself with healing intentions & you will wait a lifetime if you’re committed to waiting for that right time to come. It becomes old when your motivation is to point out the flaws & brokenness within others while avoiding your own short comings & fuckedupness as a form of deflection. The world around you will becomes healthy & beautiful when you begin to release & free yourself from the past.
I still continue at the age of 50 to fix the cracks & flaws that exists within the layers of my self, healing & nurturing that little girl inside that is still in need of TLC. Its not a one time fix yet a committed relationship I honor & respect for myself. My narcissistic mother once wished me with her hateful toxic venom “children just like me” because I wasn’t the daughter she imagined when she paid to adopted me, relishing in her idea of wanting me to fail. Now I can see clearly with healthy eyes that this was her own product of fucked up brokenness with pain & suffering that she transferred onto me that she never considered to heal.
I have healthy new roots, with fresh seeds that have been planted into the soil of our own little family to replenish & begin a healthier happier future for generations to come.
*updated repost October 2016