Repost June 17, 2017
I threw out my scale the other day, an abusive object I have been holding onto that held little sentimental value for many years as a fixture in the bathroom. It was liberating to say the least, tossing that vile object right into the dumpster waving “BYE FELCIA” as I heroically walked back to the house feeling so much lighter in my spirit. Letting that piece of shit object go actually took off the burden of weight I carried energetically that added 100 pounds to my over all being, that Im now free from.
I had never in my life struggled with my own weight & could probably eat many of you under the table. I did however grow up in a home with an adopted mother who body shamed me because of her own weight loss & diet obsessed body dysmorphia imagine, which got consciously transferred onto me. Unlike her, I was graced with a set of biological genetic genes that is nothing like hers that created a jealousy instead, unknowingly internalizing this shame within my own beautiful body.
It was in that exact moment at the trash dumpster I had a mind blowing epiphany moment. I realized then & there what that scale actually held emotionally for me along with the abusive memories of how I once felt about myself. I spent entire life holding onto within my own body some one else’s body shame, wearing the emotional weight of her own self hatred & loath that was never really my burden to carry.
It never dawned on me what that scale actually represented & by throwing it away I would in return free myself from all the toxic attachments it had with me. I think there are many item within our home that hold a trauma bond memory linked to the abuse endured that hasn’t been metaphorically identified the way I was able to make with the scale. Often times we ignore the basic things that are in front of us out of fear its truth will set us free while awaking a pain that needs tender healing.
We unintentionally at times take on other peoples beliefs, projections & discriminations that end up creating massive insecurities within our own sacred space that would otherwise be pure. They are the energetic man made diseases that destroy the authentic blueprint to your own biological make up, keeping your human spirit sick, small & dull as a form of control.
It took me over 40 years to see that stupid scale in its entirety, representing an idea of abusive thoughts, feelings & beliefs that were never really mine to assume. Sometimes the most bravest acts of self are realizing your own sacred worth & beauty that can never be ultimately measured by any scale sitting on the floor. Peace Love Faith Hope