The Wounds Of Adoption

I have always dreamt & fantasized about finding my biological mother from the early age of learning that I was adopted.  I had a mother out there that I would search for secretly in crowds every where I went,  looking at total strangers for a glimpse of recognition.  I had hopes that someday, someone would rescue & notice the sad little girl inside of me who needed answers & closure to this devastating loss I suffered that nobody seemed to really cared about.

I always felt haunted in my own body by the ghostly feeling of these unresolved bleeding wounds of being given away.  Even as a grown woman,  I still needed & wanted answers that only she had the power to relinquish over me.  What would make a mother want to give their child away was a very big question I had, especially becoming a mother of my own adding more emotions to wounds that would never seem to heal.

These feeling within never seemed to rest, decorating different parts of my life in different kind of ways good, bad & ugly.  The truth was, I had two separate mothers that for whatever reason couldn’t bond with me, one by her own choice & the other by the design of adoption.  I used to ask myself & that sad little girl within if there was something really truly unlovable & wrong with me that I should know about that would make me unworthy of a mother true love, the way I as a mother love my own 2 daughters.

Sometimes life is truly unfair, dealing you a hand only you have the power to change.  So I decided to take what I had been given & use my infinite power to manifest the shit out of it in order to create my own needed fairytale.  I committed to my own healing process, doing acupuncture, bodywork, reiki, crystal healing, therapy, self care, self acceptance & most importantly self love to get to where I am right now.

Even though my biological mother Chris has been deceased for many years, her spirit lives on with her sister Jody, my aunt who I got to meet face to face last night for the very first time.  There is nothing like being able to touch your very own flesh & blood, knowing you share traits, DNA & things that most unadopted people take for granted.  It was impossible for me to stop staring at her, seeing the resemblance & knowing that little girl within me had finally transitioned to a place that didn’t feel so abandoned any more.  Peace Love Faith Hope <3 <3 <3

*repost* 2017