This decade is almost a wrap stepping into 2020 having done some massive personal healing and growth, restoring my mind body spirit connections with balance, harmony and unlimited amounts of unconditional love. If you saw where I was 10 years ago, you wouldn’t recognize me in that woman I’ve become today..
What I went through personally on a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual level and what I had to do on the little amount of energy, faith and resources I had left for this grand shift, you would be amazed. Sometimes its the brink of what feels like an emotional extinction that can power a generated come back, making your adversity the feeding grounds for your next grand act.
10 years ago I was a struggling “tarnished” jewish divorcee, raising two daughters alone and trying to make ends meet as a self employed manicurist while living with shame in a low income apartment. I had some very dysfunctional family dynamics and personal relationships that were highly toxic that I assumed was normal behavior not knowing any differently. At that time it was the most painful, hurtful alone feeling place to be in my own skin with the company of those who fed on my spirit, as I smiled allowingly with each passing day.
I was adopted into a fucked up family, that on the outside looking in seemed like a beautiful normal typical suburban jewish family, that behind closed doors was a mixture of narcisstic passive aggressive, emotional and mental abuse disguised as “love”. This home life environment led me down the path of recreating these relationships with the same sick pattered dynamics of people I choose that eventually took a toll on my mind body while draining my spirit. I learned that my comfort zone was what in fact was the very damaging issues i was fixed on.
10 years ago I decided it was time to get my shit together, finding away to believe after so much disappointment that I could be worthy of my own self love. What transpired out of this inclination was to commit to an emotional, mental and physical sobriety challenge, that gave me an advantage to begin to see my own personal truth. For so many years it was purposely masked behind other peoples belief, thought, options and values with narcissistic belligerent toxic undertones.
This process of purification and dedication opened up the energetic airway that ironically gave way to me reconnecting back to a man I had long forgot about, living on the other side of the world that I knew way back in my 20’s. This was the real beginning test of me setting my own sails of discovery and the effects of what happens when you shake the ground your entire world has been built around. This reformulated challenge has now built the entire circumference circle, along with allowing the most miraculous reconnection of true twin souls, finding their human counterparts once again in the lifetime.
In every personal awakening, there begins a crumbling of your former self to allow for growth to begin. I think what people ideally don’t understand is that there will be suffering involved because it is painful, shedding layers upon layers of yourself in order to get to that life force that needs dire attention. People will begin to naturally abandon you or you might have to break away from people who are incapable of growing or supporting this evolution. Sometimes you will be faced with emotional atrosities that are meant to destroy your rise by family members and friends who want to keep you sick, weak and small to fit their own dysfunctional needs.
Over the last 10 years I had to mourn the death of my living parents, purposely cut ties with the majority of their family members, block people who never had my best interest, say goodbye to friends that couldn’t emotionally afford to support me, and figure out a way to restore and replenish the relationships with both of my daughters who were used by some of the assholes above as their weapons to destroy me. What no one saw coming during this period of time, was that it made my husband and I stronger as a couple and indivually, loving to become emotionally bulletproof against them.
The last decade I have dedicated and educate myself to the point that I am qualified and certified to share space with others who are on their own healing journey. I have rediscovered and practice my love long art of tarot and metaphysical arts using crystals as a power source for healing. My husband and I have built this beautiful abundant life made out of love, pennies and faith, which gave way to him opening up his own private practice as an Ancient Chinese Medicine Acupuncturist/ Bodywork healer.
I have learned over these last 10 years that we as individuals have more choices to our happiness and story that we care to address and admit. I think it is easy to be comfortably numb, medicated and disconnected than to actually get off your ass and do the work that is truly painful, requiring you to be vulnerable and susceptible to possibly hurting others for your own healing. Most people will never put themselves first as self care, yet blame, punish and accuse the entire world for all their own self induced problems, which is their greatest mistake.
Happy 2020 and thank you universe for all the trials and tribulations of the last 10 years. Its been one fucking hell of a ride! PEACE LOVE FAITH HOPE <3 <3 <3