Have you ever noticed or realize that you tend to see things as you really are and not as they actually are in its entirety manipulating the stage to better suit your needs….the reality is we see things from the lens of our own personal emotional projector sensory system of what we feel is happening to us based on our upbringing and environment, unconsciously describing YOURSELF in that given space good bad or indifferent..(this wisdom alone offers you insight into your healing needs)
“Your perception of me is a reflection of you, My reaction to you, is an awareness of me”
I think for a lot of adults who view life from a why me perception, immature child like or the world is against me victim, entitled, egotistical mentality it becomes a very tricky complicated statement to absorb..it requires of you to see yourself in the over all equation as the problem, which is terrorizing alone for many of us to experience, ourselves as we are..
Who wants to really take ownership of their defaults by admitting that they truly suck, and not blame conveniently the world around them which is their own projection and manifestation..the environment and people around you are simply the mirror showing you exactly what it is like being you holding the reflection to better serve you on this realization which alone might make you hate them instantly..
The environment, company and companionship that you keep is a true eye opener to who you are in your ecosystem of self, giving you a clear indication of your physical, mental and emotional affairs..as an adult, you have a choice and the excuses that you come up with in the end are just excuses to pacify your underlying truth when your not willing to dissect and examine the contents in their entirety..
I began to question my belief system at a young age, but was a child living in a narcissistic home that in order to survive i ate and fed on the projections that were reflected to me..i could look you dead in the eye and lie not very well without any remorse because I trained well and adapted to the system..i believe looking back and what I know today, its probably why I was always sick as a kid, contaminated and polluted with dis-ease from my surroundings..
For a long time I had my own survival ideas, way, thoughts and opinions and the second someone began to slightly point out or question the mortality of my convictions and truth, I had no other tools than to responded in a fear based reaction..it boiled down to the fear of someone saying or questioning my own system of belief, and me beginning to question how correct I was and chose to believe I was outside of the already dysfunctional family I grew up in..
I am highly acutely aware of this over active defense system I had learned to mirror that gets triggered and set off the moment I feel like im about to be personally attacked for something I haven’t openly invited you to question me about..I had spent a life time surviving by treading in the deepest water of my life and if anything felt like it was coming to take my inner safety net away, I unconsciously would go into this fight or flight mode..
Some of my relationships mirrored the abusive chaos I experienced in my home life because lets be honest, that was comfort and some of my other relationships expressed the goodness and beauty that I was inside that outside I shied away from..there was no rhyme or reason for this, it was just the basic reflection of my inner and outer worlds colliding and presenting the perfect fucked up picture you could create..
It seriously wasn’t until my husband had to break it down for me and tell me I was no longer needing to survive any more holding up a completely different mirror, and that the style of fight or flight behavior was no longer necessary or excusable..it would have destroyed the first healthy marriage if I didn’t adapt and give my self the permission to heal, instead of reacting and behaving like I was still in the abusive environment I came from..this is how far I have come in my commitment to heal thy self..
Maybe its time to reinvent the landscape and recreate your entire ecosystem of self ..peace love faith hope