I really learned the art of forgiveness when I became hyper aware of the energy surrounding being a victim to the sins of self and the ideas, stigma and destructive feelings that had plagued me throughout my life when I stood knee deep in this unconscious yet suitable identify..
What I realized over time was the replaying of the role to any kind of circumstance after the act was already long gone and over, maintained the ideas and notions that would never ever allow me to heal and move forward which is prudent to the growth of our humanbeingness..
I know for a lot of people it develops into a real condition persona that continues to collect exterior enabling attention whether its good, bad or indifferent to serve that lower vibrational purpose that maintains a contaminated self..what causes those to want to maintain this ally with suffering mystifies me and those who support and nourish this victim mentality..
What I found and discovered personally in my own journey to really heal from the deep inside out, was how nourishing it was to offer my spirit a sense of feeling that gave me the permission to untied me to my situations that hurt me physically, mentally, emotionally and mostly spiritually..i have never been my experience nor does it define me, it was just something that happened to me that I COURAGIOUSELY decided to recovered from..
I made the decision after 4 self help books 12 years ago that i no longer wanted to choose the identity of the pain over the prospect of pleasure, making the reality of my own life more beautiful even if I was still looking out from a shit hole..eventually you will make it out if you commit to the work and process with discipline and forgiveness even when the shit hits the fan, and it will..
I think a lot of people hold on to this emotional charge to maintain the proof that it existed and happened along with keeping their sympathizing party, which is the worst thing you can do for your mind body spirit soul connections..it will breed all kinds of sickness and disease in the tissues and blood of our bodies manifesting a system to mimic and serve in you all that you continue to carry..
I started this journey with forgiveness with the one and only tool that could only set me free..THE MIRROR..
At first I saw myself as truly damaged and ugly, ashamed of what was standing before myself in pain at the actual sight I saw reflecting back to me (can you imagine that of me today?)..it was horrible and very uncomfortable to look at while trying to find this awkward self again that I had banished somewhere else to live while inside I wanted to die..
The idea of true loneliness in a full world is something every one feels at one time or another that nobody admits too out of shame and whatever other words you want to attach to it..my spirit was lost somewhere between loath and hated while trying to survive because I believed all the grotesque things that were used to once describe me from others, but mostly that i used on myself..
Discipline and practice is essential and somewhere months later it got easier in the mirror as I began to soften and love what I saw again..The she I had abandoned long ago began to arise from the ashes of my own structure of hell and make her way back into the shell of the body that was waiting for her..
I began to care again what I was doing and the habits and behavior that was no longer offering me the same style of comfort it once had..I really found love again inside the places of my self that I had once despised offering up the act of forgiveness that untied me to this place I finally had the courage to outgrow..
The gift for me personally was the moment I made divine contact with myself, it began to free up all the outer things that were once designed to bring me down..i unattached myself from others and things as a severe form of self care, which again gave way to loads of abuse externally but it didn’t matter anymore..for the first time, i was more than ok with the choices i had to make to save myself instead..
As wonderful as acknowledged apology may be, forgiveness has never been about the expression of others yet the service department of your own personal self taking full responsibility for your participation..no body will ever be able to give to you what you are not willing to give to yourself and that is where many have it wrong maintaining their victimhood..
I have an unconditional forgiveness plan with myself that doesn’t expire, and allow for error and humanness because that is what we are..i don’t seek out perfection or expect things to always work out the best and when i fuck up, i try my hardest to own it, even if it makes me cry and hate myself and dust myself off after the pity party is over..
If your interested in forgiveness, i mean the real try and true authentic kind and not the sugar coated bullshit social media kind..i double dog dare you to get together with a mirror and deeply find the roots and soul behind the mask and introduce yourself for the first real time..p.s come prepared with tissue..peace love faith hope <3 <3 <3