Ive been reclusive lately, mostly because I’m at that phase in life again for the millionth time where I just cant seem to be able to stand the idea of having to people anymore. Between the annoying fake sound of the HIGH PITCHED HI’S or the deep OM hellos, the artificial HOW ARE YOU’S dressed to impress in the whole yoga attire (snort snort) or the phony nose up because you aren’t playing the part well enough, I just cant anymore. After years of being sucked into it, I just cant bring myself to anymore.
Im going to use the line “Its not them, its me” feeling like somewhat of a phony to pretend to be interested in all the small talk & chatter that I find promisingly empty. Im at a phase in my life right now where I can make the choices of who I want to give my energy to & who I want to limit myself from, not having to feel drained at the end of every conversation. Im just admitting what most people are too afraid to say, probably feeling the same way I do when they happen to people with me.
I love my tight knit circle who have always come to the table of life with sustenance & nourishment that is sustainable for me personally in the long hall of relationships. I have realized I don’t need to hold on to or collect people anymore for a tally number of friends that have no real connection in my everyday life, freeing us all from these limiting circumstances. This actually opens the space for the abundance factor, making room for more like minded people to show up instead. I always have room at the table.
I know, I sound so horribly un spiritual, yet I am fundamentally operating at my most spiritual self by living this way with truth & dignity. I don’t have to subscribe to any particular forum of nonsense of what appears to be spiritual just because its saturated in the aroma of patchouli (which I wear) & an OM factor. I often times find that this “new age ideaism” is purposely worn as a charade to offset their vampire toxic energetic funk, while parading around in the spiritual culture.
I appreciate all good vibes & energy in any form of decoration when it comes with purity, clarity & originality. I think bliss comes when you no longer are attached to the look at me bullshit persona of trying to gain attention of others to make sure you are spiritual enough in the ego persona. I cant even begin to tell you how unflattering it is to hear the amount of bullshit pouring out of the mouths of otherwise semi decent human beings, all from the advantage of look at me now so I can post it to my social media account.
I really have this love/ hate with peopling, because my passion is to really peal the layers of the human psyche to find that essence of truth. I desire that deep rooted connection more than the fluff of extremely that is seasonal with limited access. I think its why I no longer apologize for declining invitations & have unfollowed the majority of my facebook accounts for self preservation.
I decided that by changing the way I personally interact with people, I have noticed that people have changed they interact with me good or bad however you want to look at it. I know exactly when I need to retreat to my sacred space for purification & now when to just hello smile & keep moving along. Peace Love Faith Hope