My Real Father’s Day.

I don’t celebrate fathers day anymore, simply after a couple of years ago my dad choosing to have a relationship with my ex husband over keeping me as his daughter.  I actually had to force him to make a choice if you can believe that, as humiliating as that was.  In the end, it boiled down to my former father deciding which relationship he was going to keep, making him choose a side that day that altered & effected the outcome for the rest of our lives.

It was in that dreadful moment that I wasn’t chosen & disregarded that I realized I had to literally begin to mourn the loss of my living father who metaphorically died that day as my dad.  I was horribly criticized by the assholes of flying monkeys to my narcissistic mother & ostracized from this family for apparently abandoning my “parents”, even though it was them who let me go that day.  They remain toxically comfortable in their victim mentality, using the stories of their own distorted truth to narrate the fucked up dynamics of their broken family.

Personally I think I got to this place from all the years I suffered from their mental & emotional abuse,  that I just didn’t care anymore.  I became so calloused with the constant inflicted pain that it didn’t hold the same effect when I created that final nessesary boundary.  The triggering moment of this breakup came about when once again they tried to manipulate my oldest daughter for the umpteenth time against me in hopes of destroying our relationship, kicking in my inner mama bear one final time with them.  Only a sick parent does this shit.

I had spent years cleaning up & repairing the damage caused by the narcissistic abuse that has been plaguing this family for decades.   I lost my shit that day, rightfully so, after years & years of sucking it up feeling the minimizing stench of their dismissiveness.  I finally figured out this was not the normal behavior of how parents treat their children that I was taught to be love.  There is a brutal truth of mean spirited narcissistic parental abuse that so many people don’t speak about, that we the child silently suffer from.   

This is why I no longer celebrate this day that is specifically designed & assigned to the role of this parent. It took me over 40 years to learned this important, valuable lesson after going to therapy, acupuncture & a healer to begin my recovery of abuse.  I spent years as an adopted child begging to be loved by people who I realize in the end will never understand the definition, role & value of a true parent.  This wisdom is what finally aloud me to become free.  Peace Love Faith Hope❤️❤️❤️