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#ifmywoundswerevisible

Yesterday was WORLD NARCISSIST ABUSE AWARENESS DAY.  All the naysayers & haters can roll their eyes until they’re dizzy & pass out,  but this abuse is extremely real mentally & emotionally as real can be.  It is disguised with smoke & mirrors, operating in a covert physiologically distrutive way,  hiding its marks within the emotional/ mental body creating traumatic invisible wounds that don’t externally bleed.

I grew up in a home with adoptive parents that consisted of a mother who suffers from this personality disorder & a co dependent father who was groomed to become her professional enabler.  You would  have never have know the amount of dysfunction that went on behind closed doors,  due to the extraordinary lengths my mother went to in being a pillar of goodness in all her external collective communities purposely.

She purposely made herself into the volunteer queen,  having her world adore her in ways of thinking that she is a martyr & saint while my father enabled all this grotesque behavior.  People still to this day are manipulated into her persona of “truth”,  unless you have been on the receiving end of her toxic takedown & venom, figuring out her narcissism which all 3 of her children have done who have limited or no contact at all anymore.

I have spent years now healing, undoing & pealing off the toxic layering of the gaslighting technique that was purposely used as a shield to the real world that was out there.  I never understood why I had always felt like I had been emotionally beat up & left drained in her “happy” presence, questioning my own feelings of self worth as a child, a teen, an adult, as a mother & as a wife in her presence.

It wasn’t until late in my 30s that I began to realize & discover the emotional, mental & spiritual abuse I had endured from her & them collectively as parents.  This was the life line of fucked up friendships & relationships, ending with a marriage that did me in while personifying this dysfunctional abusive behavior.  My own behavior at times was a true testament to my environment, making me cringe & want to cry for that woman I was now looking back. 

Waking up is probably the most terrifying journey of self, forcing you to see a truth you never imagined was possible.  As I began to connect the dots & bridge pieces back together, I started to notice the pattern behavior, the one I assumed being raised by a narcissist parent & how it effected every area of my life.  Thankfully with the support of my beloved husband, I began to take back my life & become painfully selfish that aided in my recovery & healing process..

I have no shame in becoming open about my life & the experience with this subject since I have been given so much material to work with.  I am not afraid to shed a light on a topic that hits so close to home for so many people who are drowning in their toxic emotions trying to stay afloat.  There is now recovery for this form of abuse out there, asking of you to establish healthy boundaries & structure to feel safe again in your own mental/ emotional space.

Don’t ever think you are alone, just because people cant or don’t want to talk about a subject that might hurt other peoples feelings.  There is enough silence & secrets already that have made so many people sick, that its actually healthy for you to speak out & up about what is happening in your life & home.  There are many support groups & professionals who can help you reclaim your life back that these emotional vampires have stolen from you.  I am a living testament to this work in progress. Peace Love Faith Hope <3 <3 <3