I woke up to bouquet of white and pink magical roses yesterday for mothers day with reminiscent photos of when I was a single mom to my oldest daughter on the kitchen island..im going to openly admit that mothers day is a “holiday” I have long struggled with from being raised by a narcissist that actually has been more of a painful thorn in my heart and gut over the years, so it was unexpected serge of sweet loving happiness..
I know for a lot of people this day can be quite emotional, painful in fact for so many people for so many reasons with many layers of complicated feelings or sensitivities..for me personally this whole mother thing has been rightfully confusing as it begins at my birth to a mother I was ripped away from for all her loving reasons, to me being adopted to a woman who could only love herself, never properly really bonding with me or any of her children for that matter, to finally becoming a mother myself, which has let’s not lie been book worthy..
i have experienced motherhoodish things that I wouldn’t wish upon on any other mother, making it at times the toughest responsibility to be subjected too that I have been set up to fail at no matter what I do..i have had to endure the malicious ridicule and narcissistic abuse from people who obviously see me as a maternal threat, purposely creating over many extending years damage that should otherwise be thriving and nurtured..(how’s that for an over reaction snort snort)
yesterday I took it upon myself to finally watch “bad moms” with my husband and daughter to make light of some darker times, casting laughter into that empty space instead..i found myself identifying with the character and a persona that had left me feeling joyfully empowered by, actually unintentionally aiding in a healing session that I had this morning..im so glad im not like other mothers as fucked up as this journey has been at times, staying true to my own divine nature loving my children the way no other mother can..this is what makes it unique and special all on its own, dysfunctional and all..
you see, sometimes for us a adults, we need to go back in time as the mother to ourselves, to the place where we can find that little inner child of our own inside, that carries the weight of all our sadness, anger and grief..whether you want to admit it or not, its there waiting to be found, held, hugged, rocked, loved, nurtured, acknowledge, giving it the proper space to heal telling them it is all going to be ok..
So I chose to become that mother to my inner child that she never ever had, and rock her till the tears stopped, and hugged her till she didn’t hurt any more, and acknowledge the fuckedupness that makes us beautiful and told her she has the loving space to heal, and that everything at last is going to okay..
love heals, if your willing to give yourself that permission of timeless energy that purity’s and cleanses your whole being..it forgives and creates space to grow activating a source within that is connecting and electric..it is powerful in a way that is freeing allowing you to become anything you wish to be..peace love faith hope ❤️❤️❤️