im a quitter, but in a cigarette kinda way

so, I unofficially quit being a “closet smoker” for the last umpteen years the other night going on 48 hours strong, but in truth I would still would like to have a smoke..i have kept this “addiction” in check by creating for me, healthier boundaries of only smoking only 3 or 4 a night which is much better than the pack a day I used to smoke in my 20s..

we all have some sort of unhealthy habits that we do, mine just happened to have an american stigma attached to it and smells which prevents me from being able to do it anywhere..I could name 4 things off the top of my head that are probably just as equally bad as smoking that the FDA actually approves, even though the side effects are deadly and highly health consequential..just sayen..

my smoking was an evening ritual that just happen to come in the form of a beloved marbrol menthol light..it took me far away from what ever was going on around me, offering me a moment to be quite and still..it was like a mini therapy session but packaged in a stick, that burned and smoked and gave me comfort and support in times I needed it the most..

it was the one thing I choose to keep after cleaning up everything else around me that needed to go..i stopped the consumption of dairy, meat, alcohol and began to really minimized the stress in my life by stabilizing healthy boundaries with people who are toxic making me a priority for a change..i  finally choose to focused on myself while nourishing and healing my overall mind body and spirit connection and sought external help with the process..

honestly, I don’t think there is ever a good or a right time to quit anything and if you are waiting for the perfect moment it will never happen..lately I have had to reevaluate my love for this ritual that I used to participate it and enjoy, really having to look at the worth of it all and deciding that this might be the best time to let it go..so the other night I smoked my last cigarette and let this ritual go..

I have currently survived 2 full nights of no participation in my once beloved sacred ceremony, and im suprisingly doing good..i haven’t replaced this habit with another which most people choose to do, truly breaking the cycle by simply allowing the moment to pass..im not chewing Nicorette gum, vaping or eating to pacify my addiction and am just going with the flow and every now and again expressing my desire to smoke..

sometimes you have to make the best out of a moment and believe there is something to be gained from it..its never easy to let go of something that has had a hand on you for a long while, reestablishing what it feels like when that hand is no longer there..for me, the smokes where more about needed to be alone in a world that I couldn’t stand, finding a moment of solitude in order to just connect to myself..

now, for the last lot of years, I no longer feel that need to isolate, and am totally connected in all areas of my life finding joy and happiness regardless of lifes issues that never seem to go away..i made peace with ending my ritual knowing there is a larger understanding and meaning out there and in due time will present itself to me..for now I relish in the ultimate gift that is simply that I quit..peace love faith hope ❤ ❤ ❤

 

 

 

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