over the course of the last few years, I have regularly gone to a healer to help me organize better my emotional thoughts and feelings while working on my over all state of being energetically, spiritually, mentally and physical..it has been one of the greatest blessings that has happened for me, for so many unique and special reasons..
i wont lie though, in the very beginning I was skeptical and quite resistance to my husbands persuasion of seeking some outside supportive alternative help for the emotional abusive, hurtful, traumatic shit I have had to deal with and put up with for too long of a period of time..i mean who really wants to open up pandoras box without security and special forces..
the initial appointment is always the hardest lets be clear, because I was still operating on a survival mode system that I put on autopilot by design..i wasn’t truly living in my highest form nor striving towards my greatest potential and was beginning to feel the effects of a circuit break if things didn’t shift for me..
the first appointment I relentlessly aloud myself to rip that layer of unhealed pain away that has never had the opportunity to truly scabbed over, trying to mask some sort of vanity through my tears..i figured if I didn’t do the work required, I would never know what else I could accomplish in this life..i knew there was a restlessness inside of me that awakened for a reason and I trusted my husband that this woman could help me..
as time unfolds in your healing sessions, you begin to explore the emotional lands you purposely once abandoned to survive..you begin to realize that part of those places aren’t as scary or important as you perceived them to be as you begin to restore and repair your human spirit..sometimes we see things over and over again in our own hurtful pain, masking the real identity and color to which the experience happens to exist..
as humans, we have I believe, somehow unconsciously and conveniently made up a universal script to follow which becomes handed down from generations to generations as holy reference guide..i have noticed lately that the script that was given to me never really applied realizing I no longer need to read from it anymore..in fact, im trying to put the script notion down all together and improvise along the way..
the other day I went for healing, and a lot has transpired professionally for me in the last few weeks..i now have the capability in shifting my profession and utilizing the healing practice I just spent my time and effort learning and preparing for, and im scared..im scared because of that fucking script that has been written about healers and the ideas surrounding me being one..there I said it..
I have a real blood related aunt who is an evolutionary astrologer (I know how cool, right), which uses the birth chart as the map of the souls evolution..BTW side note, she is the fucking bomb and a HEALER herself and if you want some insight and details, you should look her up and seek her out professionally.. (Monica DeRyke Caulfield)
anyways, when she did my chart years ago, she told me a past life story of what it was like for me being a shaman/healer and the burden of responsibility that transpired and came with it..I know this fear stuff I feel comes from a place im consciously unable to identify with (as much as I see myself as a native American shaman LOL) but has a greater charge energetically for me that I feel in my being with different aspects of my life..
part of this journey ironically that I find myself on, without really thinking until now about my aunt and the chart, is the reclaiming of my purpose and the personal power that needs to become restored within it..how do I know this, because I am constantly reminded and rewarded for the work that I am currently doing and the validation I receive when its done..this path and purpose has strong intentions and a meaning that I have yet to fully understand..
I had a dream early yesterday morning after I rolled over to glance at the time and realized I had 45 minutes left to sleep and grab my beloved cactus spirit crystal..my husband and I were on our way to a carnival fun maze when I ended up seeing the most beautiful waves from a near bye sea and decided to go to the water instead..at the beach, the sand was beautiful and the shore line was full of dolphins waiting for me to wake them up with my hands..
dolphins in dreams are uplifting and inspirational representing spiritual guidance and the reinforcement of emotional trust..the sand in my dream represents a needed shift in perspective or a change in my attitude..the waves come as clarity, signifying a renewal of some sort of decisions that need to be made..water in general is our emotional psyche and flow of energy surrounding our selves and our spirituality..
my beloved cactus spirit quarts is a combination of an amethyst shaft with tiny citrine termination quartz surrounding it magically and beautifully..this crystal amplifies alignment while radiating it high vibrations energy..the amethyst is full of spiritual information and healing properties activating the higher crown chakras, while the citrine helps facilitate personal and divine will while increasing self worth..
All together, I was give a message that maybe in my waking every day life I would otherwise miss..yesterday I happened to do a crystal healing on one of the woman I work with and was astonished by the session and the response that came after verify my path and divine purpose..so sometimes you have to follow the way, even if it scares the living shit out if you and creates sweat in your palms and nerves in your stomach..eventually over time they will subside as you naturally begin to flow..peace love faith hope ❤️❤️❤️