a lie is a lie, no matter the size, shape or color..

pinocchio

I used to make up a lot stories when I was a kid that actually had great texture and imagination to them, or so I thought..i constructed these imaginary fabrications as a comfort blanket to the insecure feelings that I had inside as a child, pretending to be someone other than the adopted me I was supposed to be that I couldn’t truly identify with..

I had so many different ideas and images as to who I could be before I was adopted, that I began making up first hand stories that I believed with a biological ache that nobody seemed to ever discover or understand..i guess you could say I was quite the performer, who sucked at the delivery..

lets be honest, i was a child liar looking to disappear from this world I was in, not really believing the lies I spewed, yet looking to disguising myself instead..i was a very happy face girl, who emotionally struggled horribly on the inside making it near difficult to see my painful truth..

I was frustrated actually, living in somebody else’s world who I couldn’t bond with, who came with her own boat load of expectations and unhealed emotions that had come out of her own failures which were then handed down and expected to be incorporated and carried along my life’s way..

as great as my stories were in my own head, I was a terrible liar and was called out all the time, as one should be by my parents and by other kids who could see right through me..in truth, I JUST WANTED TO BELONG..

I suppose by my genetic design of maturity and growing up I began to naturally outgrow this emotional dysfunction yet functional for me syndrome when I came into my teenage years..it was a childlike mentality and behavior that doesn’t seem to cut it once you pass middle school.. 

i slowly discovered the ins and outs of who I am secretly and the kookiness to which I decided to beat not caring so much what other people thought anymore..then one day I was presented with the opportunity for an “out” and left my family and country to go find myself which lead to my greatest exploration of self..

I think most kids in general try to lie actually testing their boundaries and you for that matter..its our job as parents to teach them otherwise, holding them accountable and responsible for their fuck ups and misbehavior, because we are all human with error and screw up at times, but lying is a whole other character flaw..

some kids never quite seem to learn that important information out of an entitled persona that was created first hand possibly by a lower functioning parent who themselves are professional in and out kind of liars..

i see and watch a lot of adults in fact, that maintain and continue that childlike behavior  never outgrowing the Pinocchio syndrome yet incorporating it into their narcissist everyday adult life..there is nothing beautifully grand in telling a lie, yet only foretelling of the problematic self esteem issue that one is hiding.. 

they even go as far as bleeding it into their role as parents, lying for the “benefit” of their children teaching in the end some really horrible morals, values and lack of integrity that become life long potential problems in the outside world..

that in itself is damaging and irresponsible, lacking the quality of characteristics detrimental in succeeding as a human being.. I read a quote the other day that really took up some wise space in my heart of thoughts..”WHEN SOMEONE LIES TO YOU, ITS BECAUSE THEY DONT RESPECT YOU ENOUGH TO BE HONEST, AND THEY THINK YOUR TOO STUPID TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE”.. thank god I learned the difference..peace love faith hope ❤

 

 

 

 

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