I was at the grocery store yesterday after my appointment with my healer, getting ingredients to make a MAGICALMAVEN kinda soup for the week..i was walking around the fruit and vegetable area in a hazy daze from my healing session when i noticed some one that I recognized from the gym but haven’t seen in a long while..
there is a funny story about this woman actually, and how we finally became gym friend after months and months of trying to break her down just to get her to smile back at me..you see, she wasn’t the gym type at all, extremely over weight, heavy heavy smoker, felt out of place and could tell she showed up as a last resort to something happening in her own personal life..
one day out of the blue she happen to semi kinda smile back at me as I passed her on the cardio machine she did regularly at the same time very morning..smiling, i kept walking right out the door thinking did she just smile back at me after all these fucking months..i wanted to go back in and ask her 100 questions but left it for tomorrow..
the next day I saw her again and decided to work out on the cardio equipment that was next to her..i was fascinated as I watched her come in daily and begin a transformation of shedding some serious effen weight, physically and emotionally putting both feet forward for her brighter future..this time I got on the machine, smiled and said good morning to her and introduced myself as she returned the jester and gave me her name..
we began chatting and slowly over time i watched her guard go down along with the ideas of her presumed stigma of my bandanna wearing, bitchie look yet likes to smile at strangers, skinny fit young woman persona who she believed knew nothing about life disappear..over time, my smile and personality eventually warmed her up and we became gym friends, sharing cardio time next to each while talking about philosophy and life..
she had lost at that point around 180 pounds all on her own by making healthier choices for herself..while her physical body was drastically changing, it was her personal life that was now getting in the way, preventing a full transformation of self..the thing about change is, some people in your inner circle aren’t cheering or applauding for your achievement and advancements, yet gunning for the potential of your remarkable failure instead..
i see this behavior a lot, actually experienced it first hand to be honest..its where one person is trying to positively change their own self, by changing lifestyles, becoming healthy while the other is working against them, looking to sabotage and keep them small in hopes they wont be outgrown and left behind..it is typical codependent addict behavior having many different appearances and names of identification, but the core root of it all is the same..
sometimes when you make a drastic change in yourself, everything around you is going to have to evolve and change with it to some capacity or it will run its course and become unsuccessful in the long run..it is nearly impossible to stay in a situation that represents a past environment and life style that is everything that you are no longer if there are no clear healthy boundaries, forcing you to eventually have to choose between the two in order for things to work..
i was talking with my healer yesterday while i was being treated and she asked me about my boots..Rita explained to me that is a better idea energetically to switch your shoes up every couple of day and not wear the same pair over and over again..i started to think about the path i have travelled metaphorically and the shoes that i have managed to keep even though i had essentially walked in and out of hell with them..
why had i kept them all these years dusty and unworn sitting in a closet that has the energy of new beginnings anyways..i am no longer walking in those shoes literally and figuratively speaking ever again and are just energetically there to hold me back along this journey through life..another aha moment of connection, so i made the decision and its time to clean out my closet once again and throw out some shoes..<3
by the time i got what i needed from the vegetable isle i noticed that my gym friend was no longer there..i had a moment of pause go through me as i witness her appeared defeat with the sadness that loomed over her and the weight that had made its way back onto her..i knew how important it was for her to loose that weight and change her life, because she allowed me to be apart of her process by sharing with me..
i watched her struggle and commit to the gym daily giving her best, and some days that was even a struggle..i write this because i hope to see her back at the gym one day, just showing up with the desire for the intention of change and the courage to do so with what it takes.. no matter how many times you fall off what ever wagon that has you on, don’t ever give up..one day you might find the right combination that finally sets you free..peace love faith hope <3