ive had a “couple” of situation that allows me to identify with this hashtag ME TOO movement that is currently circulating the internet right now..my husband is aware of the abuse that i had encountered prior to us being together and has pushed me to openly discuss one of them in particular in a therapy session to give light to the type of abuse i was subjected too..this gave me the validation and the freedom to breath my truth which was 10 years locked away in the dungeon..
many times, people in power are giving cart blanche memberships that would otherwise be handcuffed and locked up because of their over stocked pocket book to which they pay out of, making it ok to be a credible abuser..this alone creates a pseudo persona of disguising their monster with entitled eliteness and empowering the precedent of unconditional righteousness of being able to continue to pursue their need victimizes those they see beneath them..
we the victim willing allow it at times, out of the fear of being discovered, humiliated and the mockery that comes into play when you and if you decided to speak up..i know first hand the gaslighting effect that was played all over me to deflect the actual truth leaving me to believe in the most screwed up way that what happened to me was justifiably ok..
i knew deep down on the level of sacred wisdom that i was horribly violated and taken advantage of to the fullest extent..i knew that while i said no many different times in that awful moment, it was better to be submissive closing my eyes, then to suffer the effects that might have played out later and so i checked out and spiritually disappeared for 3 minutes( I counted) that seemed like eternity..
there are so many people who have stories upon stories, and so many other people who choose to stand by and watch knowing the truth but are too cowardly to say anything afraid of what “they” might loose in the process..im not quite sure what is worse..over the last few years i have had to create boundaries from people who aren’t quite sure of knowing what is worse, and because of this, i now travel in a very safe loving circle of those who wont watch so quietly anymore..
I don’t really share this story out of embarrassment and shame and think the only reason why I told my husband from the get go was to offer him a chance of leaving me before we got involved because of all my fuckedupness..I knew he was different from all the other men I was ever involved with and he would see the scars that most have been incapable of seeing..I think that scared me more, but has also given me the power to transform and heal which is part of his beautiful gift and who he is to me on a soul spirit level..
To those, and there are many, who have survived such tragedies and speak up, I salute you..it is because of your shaky unwavering voice that there is a powerful presence in uncovering a disturbing sociological problem that people seem to discredit and deflect from..
To those who’s voice is too weak and quite, holding the shame and pain still so close to your heart, I offer you hope in being able to seek the help and support you need to heal while giving yourself permission to cut the ties the bind, suffocating your disable spirit..allow your self one day to stand in the courage of your truth and speak your story..peace love faith hope <3 <3 <3