I just got done watching an incredible episode of Dr phil (don’t judge) only because I saw that he was interviewing Sinead O’Conner, my 20 something hero..she was like my personal joan of arch musically for me in my late teens early 20s giving me the desire to one day be brutally truthful and outspoken..i guess it finally happened somewhere in between my mid 40s, a couple of divorces later and a third marriage that gave me the courage and support to be ME.. better late than never..
Sinead’s interview was incredibly shocking, stripping it all the way down to the rawness of vulnerability in a most unapologetic way..you can almost see her timid inner child being exposed to some form of healing light and trying to figure out what to do with it..the abuse that is carried around within people is simply horrifying and awful making the reactions in life outrageous and hatefully misunderstood..
I don’t judge anybody’s path, because I have had my own experience of emotional and mental abuse that has been misinterpreted and truly very misunderstood..i have had people who believe me to be someone who I am no where close to being at all, only on the perception of reactions to hurtful situations that push buttons that are heavily saturated with scar tissue that I still have to continue to work on..
we are always a work in progress FWI for those of you who think differently..that is the cleaver key in realizing that it is a lifetime commitment and not ever a quick fix masking all the effects of life itself..i think people in general don’t ever want to work on their shit because it is so extremely hard and asks of you to be accountable..there are limited tools when the mindset is that of entitlement and the victim mentality that actually becomes your shadow nemesis taking you down a path of not ever wanting to heal..
I used to play Sinead O’Conner’s song TROY for hours over and over again, with each repeat trying to gain the confidence that this song demonstrated for me..i think she inadvertently saved my life a couple of times without ever realizing the profoundness of her music..the angelic voice that could bring me to absolute tears with a stance like a bad ass I felt connected and empowered by, even though I could feel the pain that was saturated in musical genius..
I think its much easier to apply a mental label on a person you cant deal with and walk away than it is to actually sit down with someone in absolute and utter pain, while cognizant in hearing them fully express the uncomfortableness nobody wants to be privy too..i was so uncomfortable during her interview yet could feel the attributes of my compassion gaining energy to send her beams of love and respect for accepting the help she appeared to be painfully seeking..
the people who are the closest too us, can be the worst offenders taking advantage of the situation while using their power against you in the most humiliating of ways..I can relate to the demeaning behavior while having a mother look you dead straight in the face and deny all accounts of abuse without every blinking an eye making you out to look like the crazy one as you begin to question the experience and authenticity of your being..
god bless sinead, for coming out and speaking up loudly for those to hear her painful truth casting a broader light inside the tormented life of a musically gifted artist..i truly hope she is able to create a space of happiness and peace for herself finding the right guidance and people there to help support and nourish her back from the place of despair..maybe one day the clouds will lift and the rainbow will appear giving her a second chance in her new name with another brilliant album as its gift for the journey traveled..
find the help, there is no shame to reach out, and to speak up…courage is giving yourself permission to a voice that allows you to become undamaged..peace love faith hope <3