I heard a sentence the other day the struck a nerve, so i wrote it down & pondered about it for a while. “LOOK TO FIND THE PATH FORWARD” sounds pretty straight forward if you ask me, yet is one of the hardest journeys to attempt when you are in the midst of suffering. The feeling of devastation ends up corroding the ability to make it out of a currant state of affairs / circumstance by imploding the trauma with more pain than healing, keeping you a slave to its suffering.
The hardest part of the human conditioning is too relearn what we were taught about loss, failure, disappointment & suffering. This effects our personal belief system that has left us debilitated with the consequence of being unable to recover, heal & move forward. Sometimes we tend to view these emotions with our false self that acts as a movie producer to our life, relying on a fear driven persona that is miserable & afraid, while creating a perfect image to prove this correct.
I think sometimes we are afraid to heal & move forward out of fear of what others might make of it. Sometimes it’s seen as shameful to move forward in life after loss. I remember my former mother telling me after my first divorces that maybe I just wasn’t marriage material & cut out to be someones wife. Imagine if I would have fallen into her own fucked up distorted tank of love & given up before I met my now husband.
What I have learned is that sometimes these others don’t have our own best interest at heart, viewing themselves as the victim to what they would do if they were you. This leaves most people afraid to move on after grieving & grow from these natural accuring human circumstances that often time leave us broken, empty & finished instead.
Post traumatic growth disorder (google it) is a real thing, when you feel like moving on from something is a bad thing. Maybe we as a society in general have created a distorted belief system which allows for us to remain a victim & stay in the trauma instead of working towards a healthy outcome for a new normal, self care & healing. Instead, many people are prescribed drugs to numb the pain & grief as a way to deal with its turbulent emotions instead of addressing them properly from the get go.
Ive seen people condemn others for finding happiness after the wake of devastation, scrutinizing & criticizing their ability to mold themselves from the ashes of ruins. This is a gift of self love & care tapping into the innate survival of our species that move forward on the path of life. If you watch nature, it teaches us to be unattached & free.
Im not afraid to be happy, finding the words to keep writing my story as time goes on. Im not afraid to feel my grief & pain when I have suffered a loss, knowing the imprint that it has & the stain it leaves as it fades away. Im aware that people can not be replaced, but experience can continue to be made when you’re willing to become vulnerable & open to life.