I threw my scale out the other day, an object I have been holding onto that held no actual value for many years as a clutched fixture in the bathroom..it was liberating to say the least to toss that vile object right into the dumpster waving “BYE FELCIA” as I turned and heroically walked back feeling so much lighter in my spirit having let that piece of shit of a thing go..
i have never in my life struggled with my weight and could probably eat many of you under the table..i did however though grow up in a home where one leading member of the family was “slightly” weight loss obsessed being boarder line some what diet crazed..with me being skinny my entire life and fortunate to be blessed with great biological genes was sometimes not so fun as the odd girl out..i actually shopped at lane Bryant back in the 80s to hid my shameful figure, true story..
it metaphorically hit me that day at the trash dumpster, when i slung that nasty devise that controls the way you feel about yourself into the garbage, that the body image stigma i had carried with me my entire life wasn’t ever really mine to ever have to carry..all the puzzle pieces came whooshing together in one split minds second of her obsessed insecurities that were at times pushed and than punished upon me for being so naturally thin..
i never realized or put together that by throwing that scale away, i would in a sense be freeing myself from the rotten energy that once tied me to believe my body was theoretically ugly..i am extremely insecure with my figure and spend most of the time shopping for clothes that hid or disguise the way i actually look..ask my husband, he will confirm my slight body loath and modesty loving me more to secure the inner wounds that still unexpectedly tend to bleed..
what we choose to carry unintentionally with us at times is so unnatural creating disease in places that would other wise be beautiful and pure..we tend to take on other peoples beliefs creating a dialog of insecurities that only begin to destroy the innerness that could otherwise radiate and illuminate the authentic self..we take how others see us as projections and base their imposed discriminations as truths that are only there to contaminate and keep you small..
if i had only know deeply what that stupid scale had represented to me all the years ago, i would have purged it already letting go to an ideology that never belonged to live inside of me..sometimes the bravest self acts alone are realizing your worth that can never be ultimately measured by any scale laying on the floor..peace love faith hope