I did something the other day that I had no real intention of doing when I was doing it, that actually took me by surprise myself after all was said and done..i was creating new business cards for work and gift certificates on vista prints and decided to add crystal healing and tarot reader to my repertoire just like that in print on my business cards..lets face it, ive been a life long metaphysical junkie and I kinda know my shit even though I try to disguise it with a ” I just do nails”..
i think my subconscious is working undercover to match the excessive amounts of universal movement and shifts happening in the exterior part of my world right now, struggling to lead the way..lets face it, I down play everything I do discrediting the who I am in most case situations never allowing myself the credit out of embarrassment and the possible potential of failure which to me feels like abandonment which I suffer PTSD from..
I have a million limiting excuses with many more books to read creating obstacles purposely to put in front of me keeping the consumer of you out..there I said it, its out and i am highly aware of it even though I know and believe differently..im just very intimidated of the success and am having a hard time stepping into this place I long to be actually..thankfully my husband is dragging me outside my comfort zone and letting me feel the sun of his reassurance and belief in me..
I close my eyes and can imagine the guided work that I am doing and how I am doing it seeing exactly what it looks like..i see in my minds eye the human shape take form and the exchange of energy between the crystal and body working together synchronizing and restoring the balance needed while nourishing the depleted energy spots..i can see myself doing this work as if in a past lives I was some sort of shaman healer with different modalities each time that in this life is all coming together..
I cant even begin to express the excitement along with the sweaty armpits of nerves it creates from my own personal fear of feeling inadequate and worthless..that fucking fear is something though because it prevents some really wonderful beautiful opportunities from happening..its a never ending traffic stop light that you allowed to be programed to not ever turn green, with holding your ability for achieved growth which is your own self limitations and not the product of your innate wisdom..
the business cards are like my vision board actually giving me the intention of manifestation while they are being printed and mailed to me..im really going to have to use them because throwing them away energetically is defeating my entire purpose and destroying all the work I have done and self sabotaging myself is no longer an option..i truly believe in my path from conception till now has been to walk back into a past life wisdom and claim it towards the work I will begin to do now..
so do something spontaneous and let the subconscious guide you towards something that brings you purpose happiness harmony and pleasure..do something every body else will question except those who know you intimately and continue to supply you with nourishment for your adventure and success..take chances from where you are that excel you to higher possibilities and places you never dreamed to be even( if you shit your pants on the way)..its all good, I promise.
if anything else, start by changing your business card accordingly to where you dream and wish to be..peace love faith hope