as an adoptee i never once learned at the age of birth how to mourn and grieve properly FOR MY LOSS

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sometimes we view the challenges and disappointments in our life as negative occurrences there to destroy the human spirit, when actually in most instances they happen in order for you to capture the heart of the matter and thrive in adversity brightly preparing you for extreme growth..

I know, how do you explain the loss of loved ones and friends taken from us suddenly and tragedy that is incomprehensible..death unfortunately is as equal to the gift of life meaning for every beginning there is an end and vise versa..one just looks extremely more beautiful then the other even though they coincide and travel the same cycle in the tree of life energetically and we have learned to really only celebrate the one that makes us feel “happy”..

our coping tools and skills are highly undeveloped as we modify our feelings with excuses and the inability to recover from any form of human tragedies turning to attachments that are even more damaging..we don’t really mourn any kind of loss anymore as if its an inconvenient to our daily life and too much for us to endure in the immature aspects of our being..

we would rather avoid the emotional trauma and instead swallow it down with all the other stuff we hold on to in that darken room where skeletons remain..our physical body then becomes a metaphorical war zone carrying all the lacerations we don’t deal with and care for..if we could just tackle it head on and GRIEVE it out allowing the act of emotion to overcome us that in essence is the healing aspect of the human spirit, we would have a much better chance at learning how to maneuver and ride our emotions that are instrumental to our all around life..

most of us are brought forth into this life with the body working accordingly with all systems in place to deal with all the human experiences we are supposed to have and receive..we are naturally equipped at birth but are often derailed by our up bringing depending on the nurture and environment making our journey more impossible to navigate readily..part of our human experience goal is to grow back to our simplest form to find the absolute essence and blossom from there but nobody wants us really to do that and become uncontrolled..

no one ever once really explained to me that I suffered a real tragedy at birth, a metaphorical death so to speak when I was taken away energetically and physically in the most brutal way from my mother..instead society and people believed the best outcome for us as adoptees was to disguise our disconnection as a wonderful beautiful “gift” giving us to a new mother, making the truth more tolerable to swallow..

as an adoptee i never once learned at the age of birth how to mourn and grieve properly FOR MY LOSS  because I was a present, a gift to people who couldn’t have their own..i choose unconsciously to survive instead which I have been doing for over 40 years and its exhausting..i suffered horrible from this tragic experience mentally, spiritually, physically and metaphorically all through my life and it wasn’t until I pinpointed the threads of my darkness did I finally find my light and its ultimate purpose..

no body ever expected me as an adoptee the need to grieve in something that for everybody else was considered a blessing, but for me was suffering a devastating loss..part of our desire and need to search I believe is to understand and heal the wounds that nobody ever bothered to consider to clean up or see and decided to give some of us others label like defiant disobedient bad blood and whatever else could come to mind when we acted out as children and teens that distanced us from their beautiful blood of dreams..40 plus years later did i only began to mourn that loss if you can believe or even understand that..

sometimes in the wake of our most tragic moments is a lighthouse waiting to be discovered as your passage for the work in getting there..it is a safe haven so to speak that offers you an unconditional allowance of love in your time of darkness dissolving the highly tailored emotion of fear pulling your stings..in the dirt you are able to seed an idea that with time love and nutrients can grow and bloom into something so magical when you are able and allow yourself the ability in doing the work..even if that idea alone is just getting through that hour..

life isn’t fair we obviously know that already,  and some people are more lucky than others..some people take extreme chances and win, while others suffer the consequence and loose horribly..some people are walking disasters where everything is happening to them and some people have a golden path of opportunity making life appear great..some people receive the lesson and learn making sure to move forward in a better manner and some people ignore the most basic signs filled with ego and disillusion that they are really untouchable..some people do the work needed, and some people are victims and use excuses for everything..

sometimes, most times, your greatest problem is you and your only advantage in leaving the hole is you..start telling your story enough times, even if your screaming it up from below to help advocate for others creating a path for them to navigate light in their own darkness..this has worked for me personally using my grief and life experiences as a platform to help others heal from their own personal hell healing myself in the process..

there is something so valuable and raw in this work I have done, that has taken me from only seeing my flaws to seeing the most sacred beautiful aspects in my being..there is a value now to all the losses I suffered and a worth no person or situation can ever take from me and that is my gift in it all..peace love faith hope

 

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