I continued to LOVE to a level greater than I ever imagined I could, making that my super human power which would make most bitter nasty bitches instead

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some people might look at me as having been really unlucky in the avenue of love, until now, with tremendous amounts of failed relationships behind me, maybe more so than the average person could possibly handle without allowing it to destroy the sacred elements of the heart and spirit..we each come into this life with specific purposes of lesson I believe, and this was one of mine..

im mean shit, I started out this life in a womb of untouched love that was undoubtedly surrounded by toxic energy charged with religious and environmental shame..my biological mother was essentially locked up in what they used to refer to as a home for unwed mothers, actually having to work her pregnant ass off for the nuns in order to “pay back” her debt to the church because of the bastards child that grew inside her belly..

on top of all that energy I was marinating and shamefully growing in in, she was alone, isolated  without ever having the proper help or care in emotionally dealing with having to give up her child while being told on top of it she would have to pay back her hospital bill.. the ultimate sacrifice was when she unconditionally handed me over social services who later gave me to people who couldn’t have their own children making my first attempt at connecting and love being instead rejection right at my birth..

I began my life searching for love everywhere, that I knew deeply existed which I thought for the longest time was outside of my self, holding the keys to my internal happiness..i truly fell for the idea that I would some how be found at some point like the fairytales always lead our young to believe in hopes of being “rescued” and discovered by my belief in the ultimate power of love..it has always had nothing to do with the people who adopted me, but the internal struggle of knowing the essence of my blood, and was I ever going to be good enough to love..

I always chose wrong by me, being with people who would end up hurting me due to the lack of respect I had for my self essentially and what I required for my happiness..i didn’t really care enough to know or discover any better for myself, being easy to manipulate and mold, because at the first sign of attention I jumped like a starving human needing any nourishment that I could eat..a hungry heart will eat the lies and left over scraps of anyone who will feed it, as pathetic as that is, and when you eat a lots of lies of love you begin to tell a lot of lies of love as well to your self and to others..

it wasn’t until I started to let go in my later 30s and allow over the next decade to be really left, did I start to see the pattern I single handedly created unconsciously..i took an inner sabbatical to do some much needed energy work that was long over due redefining the terms in which I once settled for..i think its partially why when I see people in their raw state of struggling I focus in on it and want to magic wand it away, because that pain, that pain is truly something..

I think its why despite the lack of love I had melt away over my life, I have been inspired to love greater because the compassion of my own truth I can sympathize with..i know first hand what it feels like to be thrown aside to the curb like your a piece of shit by family, and by people who once said they loved me..i know first hand what it feels like to be faced to the backs of people not wanting to be seen with me because I who I was and unlike them, I continued to LOVE to a level greater than I ever imagined I could, making that my super human power which would make most bitter nasty bitches instead..

I walked away from each separation with empty pockets but my head high..i had bits and pieces left to show the thorn marks of knowledge living upon my soul that ultimately became the wisdom to my self mastery making me a beautiful radiating power of untouchable respect for myself..there is no excuse good enough in my belief for you to ever surrender your power to another human being for your quest for happiness and essentially LOVE..

we all have a story to share and to be told, we all have suffered some extraordinary mishap that led us to where were we are now, we all have been a victim and a survivor of something profoundly tragic, im just bluntly and blatantly outspoken of it enough that it no longer pulls the strings it once was a puppet too..Deepak chopra once said something in a meditation that stuck with me, AWARENESS, BEING, AND LOVE ARE THREE THINGS THAT CAN NEVER BE DESTROYED..i ask you to reclaim your life back and live abundantly freely and with love eternally! peace love faith hope

 

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