I had a much needed, over the maximum amount, over due held in needed break down cry today. I was sparked by a phone call from a reletive that was the tipping point and the stick that hit the camels back or whatever that saying is. I exploded my pain filled sobbing tears all over the phone to my husband (poor guy) who simply listen to me heave my emotions out as he consoled me in his loving nurturing heart touching way, which I so appreciate beyond measure.
I think its hard sometimes to be who you are, in whatever vocabulary and capacity that is. I think for me personally being so brutally honest and adamant about my position lately makes rapid waves for other people who still continue to swim with the sharks. That’s ok because in the end, it leaves more room for others to enter into my kingdom that has grown very elite and small.
I feel personally like the tower card at this specific moment in the tarot deck, where the extremities of my kingdom have been brutally under attack. Im finding out about what I once perceived as truths that are actual falsies and that everything around me is being shaken out for the future reconstruction and resurrection of a new kingdom to come. As difficult as it is to witness and experience first hand, it is the only way to shake the snakes out into the open.
While the shake down is feeling like a personal emotional and mental earthquake, the reality of it is that nothing built on fake foundations will ever survive and what will be left and remain intact is the real deal. For this alone through the tears I am grateful and humble even though it truly hurts me now.
With every ending there is another beginning happening in its place if your lucky enough to see it. So while I had the “pleasure” of being in essence unfamilied today, I had the startling realization in a whole general observation that I am only as good to them as the company I once kept. I guess in truth my water in reality is not as thick as their blood and thankfully I share non of it being adopted.
For those going though some tough ass shit, I tip my bandana to you for I know it is extremely difficult and challenging to navigate the surf pool of waves and ripple effects of action consequences repercussions and reactions..Know there is a silver lining if you can get past the ego and straight to the heart of your spirit and see your own truth and worth where it came short for others.
Know that whatever is happing in your today, will in time subside for a better tomorrow and understand that sometimes it really isn’t about you at all as hard as it feels in your heart. Sometimes it is not our job to teach other new frontiers, for they are incapable and unequipped with the wisdom and knowledge that you have been and bared witness too. We all walk separate paths and some are simply comfortably oblivious as a mechanism to survive in their own unhealed wounds.
Those who show you all the attributes during rough times of loyalty, compassion and friendship, those are the keepers in your tribe. Those who comfort you, are there for you, don’t turn their back on you and are there for the long hull even if it means they get a little dirty are in it for the long ride. This spiritual avalanche is meant to shake away anything that doesn’t serve you well..
So for every tear dropped out of painful love, be the droplet of nourishment in the growth for your beloved new beginning. In order for anything to grow in life you need water, and sometimes these tears are the greatest force and source of nourishment needed in order for you to rise..peace love faith hope