I had the startling realization in a whole general observation that I am only as good to them as the company I once kept


I had a much needed, over the maximum amount, over due held in needed break down cry today sparked by a phone call that was the tipping point and the stick that hit the camels back or whatever that saying is.. I exploded my pain filled sobbing tears all over the phone to my husband, poor guy, who simply listen to me heave my emotions out onto him as he consoled me in his loving nurturing  heart touching way, which I so appreciate beyond measure..

I think its hard sometimes to be who you are, in whatever vocabulary and capacity that is..i think for me personally being so brutally honest and adamant about my position lately makes rapid waves for other people who still continue to swim with the sharks..and that’s ok because in the end, it leaves more room for others to enter..

i feel personally like the tower card at this specific moment in the tarot deck, where the extremities of my kingdom have been brutally under attack while im finding out about what I perceived as truths that are actual falsies and that everything around me is being shaken out for the future reconstruction and resurrection of a new kingdom to come, as difficult as it is to witness and experience first hand..

while the shake down is feeling like a personal emotional and mental earthquake, the reality of it is that nothing built on fake foundations will ever survive and what will be left and remain intact is the real deal..for this alone through the tears I am grateful and humble even though it truly hurts me now

with every ending there is another beginning happening in its place if your lucky enough to see it..so while I had the “pleasure” of being in essence unfamilied today in my opinion and then I had the startling realization in a whole general observation that I am only as good to them as the company I once kept..i guess in truth my water happens in reality to not be as thick as their blood..ironically though, it was countered with divine intervention of knowing what my kingdom will look like in the end, and again I am abundantly grateful..

for those going though some tough ass shit, I tip my bandana to you for I know it is extremely difficult and challenging to navigate and surf the pool of waves and ripple effects of action consequences repercussions and reactions..know there is a silver lining if you can get past the ego and straight to the heart of your spirit and see your own truth and worth where it came short for others..

know that whatever is happing in your today, will in time subside for a better tomorrow and understand that sometimes it really isn’t about you at all as hard as it feels in your heart..sometimes it is not our job to teach other new frontiers, for they are incapable and unequipped with the wisdom and knowledge that you have been and bared witness too because we all walk separate paths and some are simply comfortably oblivious..

those who show you all the attributes during rough times of loyalty, compassion and friendship, those are the keepers in your tribe..those who comfort you, are there for you, don’t turn their back on you and are there for the long hull even if it means they get a little dirty are in it for the long ride..this spiritual avalanche is meant to shake away anything that doesn’t serve you well..

so for every tear dropped out of painful love, be the droplet of nourishment in the growth for your beloved new beginning..in order for anything to grow in life you need water, and sometimes these tears are the greatest force and source of nourishment needed in order for you to rise..peace love faith hope