I got some pretty fucking wonderful birthday gifts from my beloved husband and kids, friends and clients, despite the horrible rotten no good kinda day I had on my birthday last week..lets start by saying, i have never been a big fan of this day for many different reasons, experiences and my personal feelings surrounding it..its a weird day for me in general, because it brings me back to a moment in my soul when I was first let go of and abandoned and energy alone I highly resonate with on a steady bases, especially right now more so than ever because of unfortunate circumstance and family dynamics..
im not perfect, nor do I ever NOT hold myself accountable for my behavior, but sometimes when you poke and poke that abandoned child in me again and again and again, that bitch with a Scorpio mouth will come shooting out blazing back when your intention was simply to poke the bear to sting me, but not to fully wake her up so to speak..unfortunately right now, my alter ego is has been awake this past month and hyper sensitive to all the surroundings since once again im back to dealing with the repercussions of flaming narcissistic personalities in my daily life that are personally abusive and sick..
I look at every one right now, well almost everyone, with question, since the people im supposed to feel my safest with have failed me again miserably at being loyal and using other people as puppets to achieve their dirty work trying to brainwash and destroy the vital threads that bind us all together..its exhausting actually, so much that those beautiful thoughtful gifts that I got a week ago are still sitting in piles half unopened because I cant be bothered at the moment, and ONE OF THEM IS A NEW PURSE< CAN YOU IMAGINE..
I keep and hold specific people in my heart sending them my energetic connection of pure divine unconditional love, praying that the truth will always come through the ray of light and see me for who I am, and not the table shit talk being served instead..some lessons are going to be really hard in learning when it requires of you to step away and be patient loving and compassionate from afar keeping your boundaries that are your saving grace intact..i guess you could say im currantly enrolled in the PHD program of this lesson and maybe I will be become a DR. in it after the disaster has ended..wouldn’t that be nice..snort snort..
sometimes you have to mark your territory in order to protect you from the storm that includes people who you love, currently being feed toxic victimizing enabling garbage to keep them controlled ..sometimes you have to stand your ground to uphold your land law instilling a virtue of respect, loyalty, honesty, integrity and all the ingredients that make a healthy loving environment and relationship when the mothership is being violated..
sometimes you have to take a stand, even if your left famililess by the discomfort of those around you who don’t want to ruffle the feathers of the narcissist bully who will eat them alive for becoming a traitor..you must continue to put out the fires they create to burn you at the stake, trying to steal everything you have that they desire..you have to maintain a level of balance even when you want to lay on the floor and cry, taking your anger to the gym and rebuilding your daily strength to continue to survive the struggle and fight for your life and family..
don’t ever give up hope, even when the bully steals what is yours away from you while you unknowingly hand it to them..don’t ever allow someone to discredit you in your own mind, while they try to emotionally kill you by making themselves the poor victim..take back your power and find a way to slowly dismantle the fuckedupness around you and remember the healthy person with PURE LOVE always wins..peace love faith hope