i gave up the narcissistic tendency of sabotage for enlightenment

sometimes its imperative to have to deal with the recent death metaphorically of a relationship that is no longer viable in order to out struggle yourself from the vice grips that it once had you in..its hard saying goodbye to people you love for reasons unrepairable, but ignoring the reasons why, and sabotaging its existence instead, is never the answer nor the complete truth..it prevents you from grieving its passing that is gone leaving wounds and empty spaces that were once filled, turning you into someone other than yourself..

I have been tested overtime in my life of either losing the connection with people from either my own hand or theirs or realizing after so much valuable time together that you were never plugged into the same socket or outlet, EVER..some of the hardest relationships to let go of are the ones  that you truly cant wrap your head around in disbelief that this is how it went down..

its taken me close to a 47 year gap to learn the true meaning behind unscrewing myself from the shit that used to totally screw me up, literally and figuratively speaking..it took me a while to undo the guilt and shame attached to my chosen handpicked relationships and figure out a way to explore a higher road with spiritual meaning and not travel down the one of anger, resentment, denial all twisted up in a vision of vengeance..as much as I would like to fuck them all up..

as a young Scorpio I would tend to cast shades of darkness upon those who had crossed my path, and realized the ricochet effect it had back onto me..i gave up the narcissistic tendency of sabotage (because it was what I learned) for enlightenment and introduced myself to the ability to just simply cut the cord instead, giving way to a freedom that is liberating and divine in its own accord casting way to a new alternative route I was destined for..12994565_1022464207827916_4345306942357766061_n

I had to re embrace the lightness of my soul and forgive the darkest parts of my upbringing and nurture the wounded infant within, offering her my vow she would never be abandoned again..i had to find the kindness of the soul in order to move past the actions of selfishness and discover the kingdom of forgiveness allowing me to grieve the pain outward pouring my heart into my tears and washing myself with them afterward..

it is hard to lose anybody, especially when they are people you weren’t supposed to lose in the first place..there is so much healing that takes place when I write right now, pouring my thoughts and feelings into the key board listening to weathered by creed having a moment of pure release..it allows me in the most healthy way to honor my relationship and then let it go in the most humble sacred way..

find a place to honor your heart, and mourn if you have to mourn..place your heart in the hands of someone who can help you cope with the missingness of its space and the longingness of the emotions that linger and linger leaving stains in your eyes..find the courage to write a letter and burn it up to the universe letting go while honoring the connections for whatever it was that had you there in the first place..find a rock and burry it deep within the earth marking itself as the place you said goodbye for the last time and move onward..there is nothing wrong with rituals of death in the most metaphorical beautiful way.. peace love faith hope

 

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