sometimes in life, especially when you enter into adulthood, you have to start to accept people for exactly who and the way they are and decide from there if your capable of remaining in their sacred space..the beautiful thing about CHOICE is it allows you to answer the questions within ourselves if were able to continue to participate in the relationship in the exact way that they offer it to be while deciding if your planting your roots, or uplifting your self and finding new earth to be apart of..
I have had the pleasure when looking back in hindsight over my years to uplift and root myself many different times, spiritually, mentally and physically giving way to a personal freedom of being able to decide for myself..i have left many relationships that were abusive, hurtful, toxic, unloving and manipulative in order to save my self from the malnourished roots I had panted myself into..
i was THE poison to my own well of thoughts and beliefs based on the koolaid I was served and drank which gave me a distorted image of what its supposed to feel and be like..in truth, I just didn’t know any other way to make better healthier choices for myself..its as if you can have a designer decorated beautiful cake, but if the ingredients inside are toxic and unhealthy, its still going to make you sick, even if it looks good enough to eat..
then one many days long ago, I had to do the mirror mirror on the wall, and have a conversation with the image before me that I hadn’t recognized in my reflection..i stood before myself for an hour in the most uncomfortable scary way, trying to find that her I lost to bring her back home to the mind body and spirit of self I had given away..i had to every day take 5 minutes in that scary mirror and begin to repair the damage and create love between us as I told her I loved her, and had her back over and over again, until I was completed nourished back to health..it took all of myself to do such a thing..
the problem when doing this specific type of work, is that the cause and effect it has on those around you will become strained and they wont like the healthier new improved version of you..they will try to bully you back with guilt into the person that fits their comfort forcing their control onto you in a way to make you cave manipulating and distorting the truth gas lighting the shit out of you..be prepared for them to be offensive since their tactic is no longer working on you now that your sober..
what I have learned through experience and discovered is in truth no matter how far you travel, if you are not true to the spirit within yourself, the truth around you will never be intact..you have to courageous enough to be able to stand your ground in the avalanche of emotions that will begin to crumble all around you..you have to be willing to have your VOICE heard in all capacities, even if it means you will lose some things, people and places in the midst of its eruption..you have to be able to gamble on the reaction from those around you either hitting the jackpot or cutting your losses..
their will be an emotional earthquake that will cut and divide when you draw your sword of beliefs making the line in the sand of where your absolute mark is creating a territory of where there is no longer room for negotiation..you have to be prepared for the after shock of what transpired and be aware of the unstable grounds that you are walking on..eventually there will be a mental and spiritual evacuation, accompanied with a search and rescue team that will pick you up, and drag you back to safety offering you the love and support that you need and require, dusting you off and helping you back on your feet..
you don’t ever have to stay with people who haven’t your best interest yet their own social desires because its what expected of you..you don’t ever have to compromise your truth in order to remain valid in someone else eyes, even when those eyes aren’t able to see you as valid anyways..you don’t ever have to accept what is offered as a consolation prize of the relationship, if it isn’t what you NEED and want, you can simple walk away with your integrity and self mastery of love its the most purest artful form..as an adult your free to leave at any time..peace love faith hope