I had a conversation the other day with a client of mine about the meaning of “tough love”..i have never really liked this word specifically and believe at times i have had to administer “strong love” for myself and especially when it had come to parenting my own children and external relationship outside myself with situations that was in need of reconstruction and boundaries..
sometimes in life, its up to us to be considered the “bad guy” because we refuse go along with, enabling in unacceptable behavior that is outside the realm of normal for that moment..a lot of people have a problem with being disliked by their children, peers and people that they have relationships with and there for choose to promote and or accept out of fear of being manipulated by them to shut up instead..
by doing so you are actually cooperating with them which is truly a disservice to you and more importantly to them..it encourages them to continue to believe that their bullshit is truth beyond real as you promote behavior that is entitled, sloppy, toxic, disrespectful, rude, manipulated, controlling, hurtful, damaging, simply abusive be it by physically aggressive or emotionally damaging and so on..
people tend to confuse their love and loyalty with going along with someone else’s decisions and nonsense even if they completely disagree with it because they are just to weak to speak up..they use their love for them as a protection of defenses to pacify and justify while making up excuses in order to dismiss themselves actually from non attaching in the potential danger and accountability..keeping their hands clean so to speak in an enabling co dependent sick circle kind of way..sometimes its ok to disagree without conflict saying your peace simply because you care and have the best interest of some one other than yourself..
the truth is the healthiest relationships are the ones that can honor and harvest unconditional love through communication even when it means challenging or calling someone out on something without feeling ejected and thrown away..sometimes part of our evolution in age and spirit is finding the ability to hear criticism in a positive way and not in the opposite that leads you down the path of war while burning bridges..
sometimes, as a being in a confrontational situation you need to stand STRONG, firm on your position even if it may cause a discomfort to someone else..how they receive it is their control be it from a higher platform that it comes from or that of the lower dysfunctional self that it is pushed too.. its our egos natural tendency to automatically change, manipulate, control, deflect any type of responsibility from somebody elses feelings for whatever our reasons are..
let me show you one time what its like to be you in the eyes and heart of me and maybe just maybe you could and can understand the place that this subjective and critical message comes from, and maybe just maybe I wont be you enemy but your authentic ally..people have no problem blurting out how they feel continuously, but in return have a major problem of discomfort when they are subjected to hearing others feelings not knowing how to swim in the deep pool of emotions..
any relationship is a two way passage, this is the most beautiful thing about love and the conditions that shouldn’t exist when you have complete trust in some one else’s heart..i have learned to trust the process because of the love, even through opinions that might have seemed critical at first tone, but in truth manifested from of place of genuine caring and concern..some believe it takes a highly evolved spirit to embrace this belief, but in truth it simply means putting your ever so highly saturated pride and ego aside and sitting in the contribution of your feelings that others are subjected too..its that simple and easy..
being able to speak from your heart without your mind interfering is an extended olive branch even when for another it feels like it comes with imaginary thorns..how you choose to envision what love and caring looks like is solely up to you, coming from your own perception, but sometimes our lenses in life are dirty cracked broken distorted and need some love and tender care to restore, recreate a better understanding of connections with each other..
sometimes having to stand up and represent strong love when needed isn’t such a bad thing, but something that someone who doesn’t really love you would never have the courage and ability to do because they are too busy thinking of themselves..my husband showed me how to love this deep, and for that I am eternally grateful for, the wisdom and the courage to teach me deeply about the boundaries you need to push when you decide and choose to love without conditions..peace love faith hope