Someone, somewhere, maybe even sometime long ago might have shared their own opinions & beliefs about you, altering the way you feel about yourself from that moment forward. This implantation of someone else’s thoughts & ideas often times leads to a lifetime of misguided information taking you away from who you truly are, molding you intentionally into someone that was never meant for you to become.
My first real informative memory of the other people opinion outside of the ones I got from my home was my being held back in 1st grade. I can remember constant ridicule with the same first grade teacher ( Mrs. Siminack) I had to repeat the grade with, pointing out to the classroom when I still couldn’t answer the question, that I had done 1st grade already & should know the answer. I was 6 years old & probably still healing from having my index finger cut off the year before in an accident.
This translated to the humiliation of my peers on the playground which I was teased, made fun of & called a lot of hurtful names for being stupid & held back, feeling isolated while wanting to retreat to a place of make believe for survival. This instance changed the dynamics of my self, my desire to learn, handicapping my entire school experience from then on out. You would never know this now by meeting me today, what I had emotionally endured & suffered from as a child.
Sometimes we can feel this unrecognizable disconnection within us, nagging at the deepest level of self & the dyer need of its attention. Most times we are incapable of noticing this other level persona who desires to arise in its most purest form because we have done a really good job from the opinions of others to cover & hid this truth. Many times we become the complete opposite of what we dream to be as a way to protect the truth within, living in the disguise of other people opinions.
I spent a lifetime as a seeker for my own sacred personal truth in the shadows of my adoption, looking for anything that remotely engaged my innate senses. I didn’t know who I was at all, conflicted with my natural disposition to the one that was forced upon me that I used to navigate & survive in a narcissistic home with a narcissistic mother. I was molded to be an ugly girl trapped outside my beautiful spirit to survive in this life, making me into someone I now cringe at the thought of.
This was my biggest blockage in trying to achieve anything remotely associated with my own true desires & dreams, hearing all those criticizing words in my head as obstacles & roadblocks. I gave full permission for this less of life notion, not every really understanding or valuing my own worth of life until my mid 40s. All the external seeds that had been planted within my garden of weeds were not the ingredients I would have chosen for myself that I deeply needed as nourishment.
So I decided to redesign & build my own beautiful garden, taking the seeds I got deliberately dealt with & use all the experiences as gifts to transform into a powerful magnificent specimen of woman they couldn’t dream id ever become. After years of purposely dumbing myself down for the comfort of others, I decided to arise from this courage of my own true wisdom. This is 100 percent of life’s education for me.
Don’t ever be afraid to question all of your own inner thoughts, ideas, dreams & desires out of fear of doing wrong with the opinions of others that tend to ring stronger in your own mind. Sometimes those wrong & hurtful unsolicited opinions of others are the narrative in their own personal powerful story of life that isn’t your burden in life to have to carry. Peace Love Faith Hope <3 <3 <3