I was one bad ass quarter bounce player

I was a serious short term party girl once, a really good one in fact! I had the ultimate desire to perfect that ability within certain limitations I had for myself out of respect, while mastering the skills of what went into that specific box and category..what can I say, you either go BIG or go home so I went giant for what felt like eternity and I just fucking loved me a good time and the courage I got from this liquid..

I was one bad ass quarter bounce player and I could consume large amounts of alcohol in a single sitting.. what pathetic proud moments of my immature 20 year old self..i had a tendency to over drink myself because the shit tasted soo good without ever knowing how to pace myself and I loved to “party”, celebrating everything,  everything including my inside personal misery to the happiest of moments alive\_/* cling clink..i guess technically you could have label me a binge drinker, but truthfully every one behave this way..

there were so many too many next day moments like the one time I did way to many tequila slammers at a hen party and could barley get back to my flat, the one eyed crawl..I swore I wouldn’t drink as much anymore wiping the vomit from the corner of my mouth but never committed to any of those empty drunken promises while I laid with the porcelain goddess begging for mercy..

i stopped drinking tequila but continued to slosh myself with beer and wine instead..i think looking back alcohol was trying to tell me it didn’t agree with me, poisoning my inside to make it come up outside, trying to gain the attention of my drunken stoned spirit..this euphoria I felt while in consumption was the master of deceit instead of the eutopia I believed to be a resident of..

I really have no regrets despite some of the worst decisions made while living in a series and sequences of a good fucking time but ultimately that life style took a toll on my spiritual evolution, my emotional state of mind and the metal capacity to which as a productive adult you tend to ignore..my drink was a temporary exit door to a physical life making me falsely feel good for a very temporary moment..

thank god I became a mother at the age of 26..because I think that role became more important to me than all the parties in the world..on occasion I would let that party girl back out on a lease since I had little people to care for and I had to step in and grow up and become for once a responsible adult..so I went into a semi retirement from a good run of being once one really fucking great party girl..

in my very early 40s i completely broke up with drinking altogether, not liking or feeling the buzz or drunkenness anymore..i had done so much personal work over the years getting me back to a alignment with the universe I had as a child, that the poison was simply just that, poison to the purification I was doing in all aspects of my life spiritually physically mentally and emotionally..

the ironic thing is I found out around this time about my biological mother, and her substance abuse with this toxic liquid of false joy that eventually took her life at 51..i really believe somewhere we were living parallel lives fighting similar demons and using it to numb pain we at times are unable to feel heal and let go of..so in the end, I ended up unintentionally doing the work for both of us, letting her heal and blossom within the threads of her own creation of me..

I am entirely grateful for this experience, and the growth that came unexpected from this journey..now I get coffee drunk instead! peace love faith hope

 

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