I became aware of a word the other day, that I had truly never heard before that has made sense to a lot of time I wasted in searching for a bigger definition than narcissist..i used to believe I was a tad bit crazy based on my own very personal experiences that my situations at times where factious and not as accurate as I felt them to believe to be..then one glorious day I was introduced to the term GASLIGHTING and was enlighten beyond belief as I could still smell the residue of the emotional fumes I once had to endure..
sometimes we are in relationships with people, who use their charm and charisma to entice you into their web of delight, showering you in the beginning with delightful beautiful words of stuff, pumping you up with feelings that in truth are surface and superficial but at that specific moment feel to be the most intimate dialogue you ever thought you would have..slowly creating a story line of lies and deceit that would later be served on their platter of confusion and distortion..
over spoken time slowly you become polluted with the toxins of these passive aggressive people altering the way you are internalizing the situation discrediting and damaging your spirit slowly and accurately with the intention to control and concur..soon you are spinning in your skin, unable to think clearly because you have drank so much of the toxic koolaid they provided as nourishment to derail you from your authentic self, successfully..
I have had several personal experiences with this form of abuse..i probably had a sign I wore to attract this type of behavior for what ever low self esteem and the purest of un love for my self I had ..I, in some capacity believed I deserved to be treated in this self destructive manner because maybe I didn’t know any better or differently.. I never really saw myself as a victim because of my gullibility and because the marks upon me were undetected and more in the spiritual threads of my heart spirit and soul, and not bruised to the surface of my own skin..which at times, I wished for as my excuse to exist the situations..
looking back, I truly believe that the human spirit can be the most remarkable warrior, that moves in to saves us in our starving state of being, by injecting itself with a courageous antidote that gives you the instant to get the fuck out..i had to cut most ties with my former life when I did my escape from the self I had become in order to resurrect back into the woman I knew to exist.. I didn’t care anymore for the hatred that was portrayed to me for my skin had gotten so strong it didn’t matter any more what other people thought..
the gaslighting effects were shut down turned off and closed for good..i decided to move farther away from where I had once lived physically spiritually and emotionally to get back the quite and peace I so deserved to have..i slowly began to heal the tangled threads and power up the ability to forgive and move forward so I could conjure up a more accurate loving peaceful abundant life..slowly the universe gifted me unbelievable blessings and sent me the man I had been unconsciously waiting for as a present for the ultimate work I did..
sometimes, you are given messages that if not read, will return as a lesson, that if you do not pass, will resurrect as a shit storm of a crisis manifesting and showering you with all sorts of unimaginable crap..i have learned to read the message a couple of times if need be before I allow the universe to send me its lesson..i see the flags being waved, and pay closer attention to details so there is no misunderstanding on a much different level that entitles me the ability to call bullshit when I smell it the first time round..
make your truth matter and let it be heard…there is no shame in anybody’s journey of profound healing of the spirit rising..peace love faith hope