I used to think being a mother would be the greatest easiest job on earth, ….until of course I had children of my own and became a parent..i never understood the compound belief of what it actually entailed, the round the clock service and what was expected of me as a human being..i had no training for this area of expertise and had no skills what so ever for this job requirement that was a life long committed position..i had NO idea what it actually would demand of me and how it would effect me for the rest of my life..no stupid fucking book prepares you for the absolute truth and how you are going to feel and respond while on duty..its a crapshoot..for real..
the good new is, nature has a way of allowing you to over come hurdles and obstacles that would, in a normal job, make you quit and scream FUCK YOU AND FUCK THIS SHIT at the top of your lungs as you stormed out the door slamming it behind you with your middle finger waving up in the air..thankfully, for most of us, its just a day dream and something we don’t ever actually do, well, i defiantly have thought about doing this on special occasions that’s for sure, maybe have even muttered a couple of words here and there over time under my breath because the truth is, being a mom at times is not all mothers day and shit..
i have loved being their mom ever single solidary day and never minded my kids hating me or thinking im the queen of BITCHville, because it only meant i was doing my job..a job in truth i loathed at times doing because i do remember what it was like being a kid and thinking my parents were the worst people on earth ever, my parentalenemies ruining my life every single day by destroying my plans or my grand ideas..i had no boundaries with my childish immature behavior as my Scorpio rose breathing fire out my mouth single handedly fucking myself royally even more as a kid..sigh..
now i was the adult who got to watch the action from the other side of the equation..i was in charge wearing the mom badge now sometimes cracking up and snorting with laughter behind closed doors trying to poker up my face..i had some real as shit moments too that were out of left field leaving me at times to feel like a knife had been used to cut my chest open exposing my beating heart that felt violently attacked single handedly by my children’s actions and words..
i was utterly so uneducated in this field of mothering yet i got wise real fucking quick..plus i got married a 3rd time to a man who stepped up to the plate even with a messy family table to deal with, trying to create places instead of one big fat ass shmorgisboard of a cluster fuck..Go bless him! even as nasty as it has been at times, he never gave up on them, on me, on us and always rose to the occasion no matter who tried to sabotage our home..he is by far ONE class act, someone i admire for all that he has done with sometimes having nothing to show in return by them but the love he feels and the role he takes on as a step dad..that says more about him then people will ever believe to realize that never goes unnoticed in my eyes.i
i was always the “bad” parent since both my daughters have different fathers who have different ideas of parenting one being out of the country, and one leaving for 5 years for a higher education..yet in truth, i was the one who never left or abandoned them, who was always there for them and always showed up no matter what..even when i felt like they didn’t deserve of me to be there, i had to remember the spiritual oath i took and commitment for better or worse and love and honor them even when they were horribly rotten..one day howeve karma will sprinkle its divinity on them as we sit back with a coffee watching in anticipation..
i think i, we have done a pretty good job thus far raising them regardless of circumstances and life’s hilariously cruel adventures it plagues us with at times..i haven’t ended up committed to a mental hospital or become an alcoholic so that good too..my beloved husband although has rapidly gone greyer from being their step dad, but has left him looking utterly handsome and far more distinguished that he proudly wears beautifully..
as many moments as this profession has sucked, it has in return reaped in some of the greatest defining moments that never cease to amaze me..times where i couldn’t be more proud and see hints of their soulful spirit peak out into the atmosphere so excited to see how they are going to be as adults with the purity of their authenticity growing behind their closed doors for now..so now i look forward to enjoying them one day the way i see our families get to enjoy us..beautiful!
so here’s to a job you are never paid for and one that can last up to 24 hours a day without any breaks..a job that is sometimes really thankless and rewarding all at the same time and at times so utterly exhausting trying to teach other human beings to be human..a job that asks for no prerequisites and expected to know what your doing when you haven’t a fucking clue..happy parenting, and may god bless each and every one of you! peace love faith hope