what is said at the table, stays at the table

I have been a working manicurist for over 18 years now, among one of the longest continuous committed relationship I have had thus far in my life..i got into this business after I came back home from Israel after living there for 7.5 years returning with barley any usable skills..i had recently become a single mom to my one year old little girl and was living with my parents because basically I had no where else to go and couldn’t afford to live and support us as a cashier and waitress..i felt like such a fucking LOSER..

I had always wanted to go to beauty school as cliché as that sounds, I really did..i knew as a little girl I wanted to work within this empire at some capacity and make the world a tiny bit more beautiful one person at a time..so while I was trying to get my shit together, my mom actually suggested I go to beauty school and get a trade that will afford me to take care of my child, and the next thing I knew I had enrolled into manicuring school a month later with the support and encouragement of my parents..

its hard starting over wherever you are in life, especially when your self esteem is non existent and you have so much shame in where you are in your life..i was a single mom by the age of 28, divorced, living with my parents, and was determined to make this beauty opportunity work in my favor..i was at the top of my manicuring class( snort snort) now mind you, I struggled horribly all through my life academically, so this was a massive huge accomplishment which started to repair the damaged self that needed massive inner work..

I studied my fucking ass off and sat for my boards successfully passing on the first try which for me was unfuckingbelievable, unheard of with the most sincerity.. I got a job at the salon my family had gone to for years, telling the owner in my early childhood I would be working for her one day and sure as shit that one day became a reality!  I had to have the patience of a saint building my career from complete scratch while sitting on my ass reading books and magazines while I awaited any one to come in to get a manicure..some days I would sit in my car and cry, praying to my divine to just get me through another unsuccessful work day and not give up on me.. I had great faith that this was where I was supposed to be and eventually that diligence and perseverance that I channeled paid off as I began to build an established clientele over time..

sometimes we are expected to know intellectually that the path is going to be long and hard despite what the ego will try to blind you with.. building any kind of practice from the ground up requires you to be diligent and there will be day that are overly trying and hard testing your truth, ambition, faith and all the humbling attributes that are necessary skills in any venture..i had to pull up my big girl panties daily as i struggled to survive, facing my every fear as i got through each and every unsuccessful day until one day i realized i was no longer treading the water, but floating on a raft enjoying the ride..

i began to get over myself and showed up each day with a smile and the attitude of a gracious humble human commanding the space, and creating a beautiful place of connection making that half hour a sacred half hour..i have had the blessing of meeting some of the greatest people who have touched my heart and soul on levels that i endlessly crave and desire manifesting friendships that i cherish and are profoundly sacred (what is said at the table stays at the table) in the end it brought to me more joy than pain and was worth every difficult moment i had to endure..

part of these struggles that we must face are to accompany us from one platform to another teaching us the enlightening effects of grounding and how to surf the wave at high tide to the complete opposite of when there is no tide at all without unraveling at the seams..sometimes we are being tested on prior forgotten lessons to see where we are still falling short and where we have gained valuable knowledge creating the wisdom within..keep your head up, your heart open, and your attitude positive..the universe will grant you everything you are currently focusing on even if its what your trying to change negatively,  until you surrender all of it and let all the head chatter go moving through it with true belief, spirit and faith..1002590_10151798558768721_280840922_n

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