sometimes, when we decide to undertake a drastic change in life, it can take a very long while for the rest of the world to catch up to where you are in your metamorphous of a transition..sometimes we tend to forget that while we have spent a long time evolving within ourselves, we haven’t necessarily shared or include all the details to our change with others leaving them potentially in the dark..i think sometimes when we do decide to do something revolutionary changes, we tend to not want the outside negative chatter to breed havoc in our state of mind resulting in the possible derailing of your evolutionary self keeping the of transformation to ourselves..
so while Eran and I set out to discover the soulful tapestry of our profound love with one another, the rest of the world was in a far off distant land without any specific understanding or comprehension to what was actually taking place..neither of our family nor friends could truly process or understand the hows and whys of how this took place and happened, yet it did..there was a lot of skepticism and rolling of the eyes when we would choose to profess our story about this connection, making it hard for those listening to digest, understandably so I guess..who really believes in fairytales anyways..RIGHT..
our time together was so utterly sacred, pure, intimate that we didn’t want to come out of his flat, which BTW was so super small that you had no other choice than be without boundaries..lets just say you could be making coffee and be going to the bathroom at the same time..it broke down my walls with Eran it was the most natural way cohabitating as if we had never ever lived life apart..at the ripe age of 41 and him being 32, you would automatically assume that I would have had so many rules and regulations and want and need privacy that in other circumstances I probably would have demanded..there was an undeniable SAFE feeling of freedom I never experienced with someone before that over road all my insecurities dilemmas and bogus hysteria I was consumed with on the flight there…I got to know this man in a capacity that was so intense and profound so quickly that when it was time to leave it was like a pain I had never felt in my body before..
we shared the most wonderful romantic 10 days together of beautiful unadulterated fun..i was introduced to his family and friends, with welcome open arms and not to mention many intense looks..LOL..it was great seeing everybody I knew and enjoyed sharing this story to some of the friends that i still had living on the kibbutz..it was hysterical to watch the looks and stares of those who knew us individually and couldn’t figure out how we had even met and how we had ended up together..it blew every one away how 2 very different people, living in 2 very different counties, with 2 very different lives, with a very big age gap had managed to come together.all I can say is that this is DIVINE MAGIC..
as day 10 approached, i could feel the pulse in my heart so intensely causing pain I never knew existed..i was devastated that I had to leave, not knowing how all this was going to work out..was this going to be last of our story, or was he going to give up his whole entire life and move half way across the world for a girl like me? neither of us could speak without choking as we drove back to the airport..i had to put a big girl face on since my mother badge was going back on as we met shezaf at the airport and I needed to hold my shit together and not unravel for the world to see the immense heartache I was suffering from.. the thought of saying goodbye all over again, after all these years later, was one of the saddest moments of my ENTIRE life, yet I was beaming inside from happiness all at the same time if that makes any sense..
my mind body spirit SOUL was craving his like an addict as I had to walk away so we could go through security after our last of a zillion hugs that night..he held inside the remedy to my soul that made me feel better and I couldn’t handle feeling the way that I did..i think shezaf and I cried the whole time in the airport, the whole flight and for days later both for our own personal reason yet understood the pain of having to say goodbye to someone you love..i really believe I cried all the water out of my body and that why the tears stopped flowing, until I had naturally replenished them again..
sometimes our greatest heart ach allows the divine to master in gifts of unexpected solutions to help aid in the recovery or the meantime..i allowed my inner faith and belief the ability to outsmart the thoughts of my mind, and used this time to cultivate a new dialog with the universe as I got on my knees nightly at the side of my bed like a little girl, and pray with my hand together and all the abundant love on my side to help produce the best outcome to this tricky situation with the best results and solution..patience is one of the greatest lessons if we are able to be taught it..it reminds us that the things we plant metaphorically need that specific time to bloom, so when the timing is right, it can open its self up to the new world that it will be entering too..for this lesson I am utterly grateful..
P.S…to be continued