Have you ever been so down and out in your personal relationships, that you know in your heart of hearts that it has to be better than this..i was twice divorced in the years in between my encounter with Eran and a couple of failed relationships later..on paper I must have looked like a fucking hot mess, que in all my imaginary red marks of failure that im accustomed too.. I was a walking relationship disaster, a single mom with 2 daughters from 2 different fathers to boot, and I was living on my own for the first time ever and barely getting by.. i always believed and remained hopefully for that soulful kinda love I knew was out there waiting for me, that one day I would attain no matter what..
i was very conveniently busy ignoring my own personal truth and avoiding the work I truly needed to do in a very deep rooted way..i was surface riding at times my emotions and diving down other times to check in and connect to myself, and spent more time abandoning that ship than actually paying better attention to the bigger picture..the jewish new year was approaching and I decided to take advantage of that wonderful new beginning energy and have a face to face with the universe which was long over due and much needed..
I sat outside one evening after my kids had gone to bed and decided to get my shit together..i wrote down all the pros and cons of who I really am..all the things that I authentically needed, demanded and wanted specifically and what I no longer wanted to show up as a consultation prize..i knew a lot of it was pulled from what I was giving off and the only one to blame was myself and make amends..i knew I had to start to really change the way I looked and saw myself and how I really felt about the me inside the skin I wear..pretty difficult when your outside projection doesn’t match the wounded little girl inside abandoned shamed and alone crying out for help without ever letting the world around her know she was crying out..
sometimes, when we are at our most vulnerable, the most magical shit begins to happen to us out of no where..i had actually forgotten about the conversation I had with the universe weeks before as I checked my face book one day while working..i had a message, from someone who wasn’t a “friend” Eran Reznik..I had my blackberry at the time and the photo was so fucking tiny I could barley see who the fuck Eran reznik was with his sun glasses on in the photo no less.. I went to read the message that was about to change the whole dynamics of my life.. “Hi its me, the boy from the banana fields…………………..” I almost fell off my manicuring chair as I was trying so hard to see what he looked like from the photo because all I saw was a beautiful MAN with the most beautiful grey swoosh in his hair line looking like Indiana jones in the photo..
WAIT WHAT…..let me back track for a moment..i had friended on facebook my kibbutzs facebook page a couple of days prior to this happening..i hadn’t thought of Eran since 1997, literally, and never imagined expected or thought about him ever after I left Israel all those years ago..it was almost like a warm cozy blanket covered all those lost beautiful memories, preserving them for when the timing became right to reveal them and the power of this timeless magical love destine to arise..
our spirit has a way of preserving our hearts desires when we are so overwhelmed, over burdened with the crap we collect and poison ourselves with.. we become clouded with judgment unable to see the true real in our lives..we operate on a mechanical level simply trying to survive the days while sometimes using things to blur our vision even more..sometimes you need to let go of the toxins in every capacity, physically mentally spiritually that once made you believe, to make you feel so good, that in the end only derailed you further from the plainest truth..we have layers upon layers of crap covering the most brilliant part of who we are as armor and protection, that only keeps us farther from who we were born to become..it takes stripping away layer after layer to find the raw exposed parts of the most beautiful places of you where the magic can begin to exist..
when you begin to do the work, you ultimately manifest things that will be gifted to you as rewards for a job well done and this is exactly what happened between Eran and I back in 2010..peace love faith hope
P.S to be continued