so ive been on this journey of really healing the part of the self I don’t have a healthy relationship with inside and tend to dust its rubbish under the carpet of my soul..i have taken up the therapy of Reiki and Kabbalistic healing from the recommendation of my husband Eran who practices Chinese medicine and acupuncture and shares his space in her office, which by the way is so cozy and energetically safe which is so essential when doing any kind of self work..
trust me it took a lot of recommendations from him to get me to commit to this process, simply because I don’t trust people with my spirit and soul, and my body for that matter..i don’t believe everybody is a “healer” and have a lack of faith in those who claim to be righteously gifted..in this day in age, you can be anything you want to be with a paper license that proves your legit yet practice on a technician level instead of a level of a true naturally gifted healer because it doesn’t come natural..yes im picky and do NOT apologize for it..i will not unravel my threads before you if I feel like you are not going to be able to nurture the process of step by step spinning my dingy threads back to gold as you perform your magic delicately over the authentic essence to which I truly exist..
this woman is something so very special..in 3 sessions I have discovered so many facets to my ways and how I operate out of the shell of protection and the survival mode I have been treading in for decades now..yesterdays topic was this, my journaling, my writings, the intimate portrait I paint with my words about me in a most unique artistic way while offering some spiritualness, and the fear I have and use the screen to hide behind..why I haven’t taken this a step further to actual create a book of thoughts to publish..why, because I have so many things attached to my lack of academic success and the labels that teachers put on me as a child to the very end of high school..i can still see all the RED pen marks all over my papers with the bold letters E that all the other kids saw too which had me so very embarrassed and ashamed..imagine all these years later it still has an emotional effect that still brings water to my eyes..
so the very truth is why I hide behind here is because I don’t deserve to be out there with the people and the degrees of education that intimidate me..the 46 year old self knows im an extremely intelligent smart wise woman through my life lessons which are sometimes more profound than what state education ever gave me..am I proud of my 1.79 grade point from high school, not really but I graduated..you could be essentially going to a Dr. who was the bottom of its class, and had to take the boards a zillion times and they can either be the greatest healer on earth, or the one who has fucked you up even more..so what is this number anyway in the long run but an assessment of how they were able to teach you..
im trying to see the greatness within, since we all have that inside..its just sometimes so polluted with so many other voices and shades of somebody else thoughts and beliefs, you forgot how you truly feel within the own specialty of your self..this is the work I am doing to improve my moment here one grand step at a time.. this brilliant healer woman Rita is bringing it up and out, helping me to find my courage to express my demons in a way that diminishes their light and heals a rotten belief that was never meant to be placed upon me by someone else’s perception..so take the stand and take your spirit back, and wrap your arms around the wounds of your inner child one small beautiful hug at a time..peace love faith hope..