i discovered a secret the other day that i had spent my entire life formulating an entirely different belief around..i didnt know any better for so many reasons, and as someone suffering deeply inside the walls of my being it was a wonderful mechanism for protection and survival and it had worked so i thought all these years..
i went this past week for reiki healing, i believe we all have things inside of us that are in major need of “work” and sometimes it takes a fuck it to go and see what it all going to be about..while sitting waiting for my apointment i took out my pendulum and asked if this was going to be a good thing and was i in a safe place..my answers were yes so i surrendered to the process and went in ready to open my personal pandoras box..
i sat down with this woman, who i believe is far more than a reiki technician and automatically felt i was in th presence of a true healer..i began to unravel the words from my mouth that chock me as they come up, and make my eyes water and my voice shake, sitting vulnerable and totally exposed..i explained that i am adopted and the root to my garden of pain stems from this abandond condition i carry from the beginning energetically of my life..i began to pour out of my soul the feelings i have carried, some in pain, some in shame, some in armor and aloud her to see the authetic child like woman who needs to heal a wound so painful in my soul..
after the session i felt a bit weezy, over stimulated and heavy, as you can imagine and i had a lot to think about and work on..what transpired a few day later is nothing less than a miracle..i recieved a message from my biological mothers sister who i am in touch with that she found my biological mothers best friend in life growing up and wanted to extend the contact to me..of course i said yes, and the letter i recieved had a message for me that was the key to my rooted pain that unlocked the misinformed belief i created inside.
what i was given was a message from the grave i believe via this woman who loved and cared deeply for my mother chris who has been gone for over 15 years..she told me something so powerful that pertained to the reiki sesson i had days before that i truely believe the universe heard in my crys and gifted me a statement that had gone against every invented belief i created to amor myself from the unknown..what i dicovered is that my biological mother had carried a picture of us taken after she delivered me with her always keeping me with her still..
i write this because sometimes we emotionally invent mechanical beliefs that are not even close to being true as a way to reasure our emotional state..i have spent my 46 years believing in something that i just found out was the complete opposite and now i have to figure out a way to untie this baggage i carried heavely in the process..do yourself a favor, and be gentle and kind with your wounds and pain..find a way to love the dirt within and be open and forthcoming so you can release it and hand it over to the higher power universe that works in mysterious ways..may you all be able to release the struggles within and find peace in the uncomfortable and be able to recreate beliefs that have no substance..with love and light always! peace love faith hope