sometimes the universe has a divine way of showing up for you..

I have had a couple of unexpected validating moments recently and even more so have noticed them profoundly after having to make a crystal grid for a home work assignment for my crystal healing course im currently enrolled in…this grid I created from scratch was specifically made to help allow for my professional growth and transformation using crystals and elementals in a geometrical pattern choosing the Star of David because it was done during Rosh Hashanah..

yesterday, I was co hosting a podcast that we started a few weeks ago with a friend and were talking about past lives and reincarnation..dori, my co host was asking me to share in my experiences of what I believe to be a “knowing” and during my explanation of me believing that I was once an Egyptian (due to the feeling I got while living in Israel and in a land that I feel so abundantly connected too), I shit you not “walk like an Egyptian” by the bangles started playing in the background..i haven’t heard that song on the radio for YEARS.. Continue reading “sometimes the universe has a divine way of showing up for you..”

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the “unspiritual” side to the spiritual self..

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ive been reclusive lately, mostly because ive been at that phase in life again for the millionth time where I just cant seem to be able to stand the idea of peopling anymore (snort snort) nor stand the sound of their HIGH PITCHED HI”S and everything else that come out of their mouths after or mine after for that matter..

i know it sounds horrible and just SOOOooo unspiritual and bla bla bla bla bla, openly admitting something I feel that some might see as so unkind..yet truthfully im not really worried about it because I just say what most of you are really already thinking, making us all collective assholes..i happen to not be afraid to wear my spirituality in a way that makes me translucent in this truth displaying all the facets to which i sparkle flaws and all..

I was listening to a pod cast last week about how we are so tight lipped tippy toed around the subject matter of our pureness with honesty when it appears to coincide with our spirituality and the ambience around it..im spiritual as fuck borderline GANGSTA yet people in general i have no patience for anymore and am not afraid to admit it..there is truthfully nothing wrong with me expressing this and i realized i dont require a lesson of kindness because of it..knowing me, would know this !

im going to even drop a mic line and say its NOT you, its really just ME, loving my solitude staying within my tribal souls of goodness and love circle because I just cant stand the energetic vibe right now..i don’t need to subscribe to a forum of nonsense because its saturated in tye dye to offset the aroma of funk that no essential oil can mask..aura and energy tell all even in the downward dog and OM breathing breath of whatever you want to call it..

I feel so drained in this culture of the spiritual selfie explosion and the entitled belief with the amount of ME ME ME bullshit that’s filtered and without any moderation..people, your friends even, tell you what they think and believe you want to hear to help aid in the feeding and fixing of your ego..i cant even begin to tell you how unflattering it is to observe the amount of BS pouring out of the mouths of semi decent adult human beings acting as the saviors of the social media hotline society we are swarming in..

this is why i choose to lay low, have unfollowed half of my face book “friends” and blocked a dozen or so more, stopped apologizing for declining invitations for things that im allowed to say no to for my own personal self care reasons..i limit the amount of access i let in and let out and i certainly don’t judge my worth based on the social media numbers that in reality don’t mean a fucking thing..

for the first time in forever, i feel infinite and magical, even special for all for the right reasons of my own beautiful healthy self..i don’t look externally for my own happiness or seek others to fluff the ruffles i think are ridicules to have to wear.. i stopped crippling myself with beliefs that are meant to strangle your spirit and instead am living more of a care free life outside the lines every one else can color in..i am spiritually liberated and i feel GREAT ❤ peace love faith hope

 

 

 

 

storm survivor…

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I found this the other day…I don’t even really need to write a blog to describe the meaning intended from this profound picture..

life will always give us opportunities to see who is standing under our umbrella when life hits hard, because it will that’s just par for the course..

it is here where you will find your people, your tribe, your ride n die crew..

so I ask of you to ask yourself..are you the kind of person who will show up with an umbrella or the type of person who will put on rain boots and play in the storm?

peace love faith hope..<3 ❤ ❤

 

I never knew how abused I was until I began to heal..

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I go to my healer every couple of weeks for overall self care, just like you would take your car to the gas station for fuel, I take my mind body and spirit to a healer..its a way for me to self care, unwind, connect, feel, talk, cry, and have someone untangle the energetic strings that sometimes get all mixed up as I am rebooted, charged and fueled with divine loving energy..

I embodied the theory of when you are no longer willing to tolerate something anymore, is when your life will begin to change and boy did it begin to change..what they don’t tell you is how the change will impact you (good, bad or indifferent) and alter the world around you creating a shift that you might not be mentally prepared for, yet unknowingly spiritually awaken to.. Continue reading “I never knew how abused I was until I began to heal..”

My true Father’s Day..

I don’t celebrate fathers day anymore after a couple of years ago my dad chose to have a relationship with my ex husband over choosing to keep me as his daughter..that’s the way this cookie crumbled, forcing me to make him choose a side that altered and effected the outcome for the rest of our lives..

it was in that moment that I wasn’t chosen that I realized I had to officially begin to mourn the loss of my living father who metaphorically died that day as my dad….ive been horribly criticized and ostracized for apparently abandoning my “parents”, even though it was they who didn’t choose me in end..their story will always continue to still makes them the victim..

you see, you get to a place in your abuse where you really don’t care anymore, because the oncoming inflicted pain is so calloused to that area that it doesn’t have the same effect any more..it wasn’t until the moment they used my older daughter as a weapon for mass destruction did that pain strike a new nerve that seriously awakening my mama bear instead..who knew!

you can mess with me all you want, but the minute you fuck with my children sparks a whole new level of bear they were not ever prepared for..

I lost my shit that day, rightfully so after years and years of sucking it up and hearing the minimizing stench of dismissiveness, there is a brutal truth of mean spirited narcissistic parental abuse that I no longer wanted to subscribe too and enable from these adopted so called parents..now they were stooping to levels of using my children as a tactical ploy..

this is why I no longer celebrate days designed and assigned to the role of a parent..I finally learned this important and valuable lesson I spent years failing and begging for that in the end left me rejected as their daughter! Peace love faith hope❤️❤️❤️

I pronounce today, step dad day!

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my husband is a step dad to our two girls for the last 7 years (now 21 and 16), who have each their own separate natural fathers from my previous marriages..

yes, you read that correct, I am a 3 time now very happily supported, nourished and beyond loved married woman who is now finally with the person I should have been with all along..you can go back into my blog achieves and read all about our love story and how we landed here..it is a modern day fairy tale..

I don’t think you ever really realize what you signed up for up for, until you are knee deep in enemy territory with an entire former family (I had to eventually cut family ties) rooting for your failure..still to this day mind you..

it is one of the hardest parental playing fields to have to navigate, especially when there are narcissistic adults involved who have purposely dismiss the step father role and his place in the family creating a wedge of hatred instead of a bridge of love..

I can tell you how much my husband loves us for not ever wanting to leave based on his personal experience over the course of the last 7 years with an entire family who chose to play dirty and defensively..

between the explosive verbal confrontations, the mental and emotional mind games, the  disrespect and abandonment..every step you took that was originally created for healthy ties seemed and felt like an opposing assassination waiting to annihilate us and him for being their step dad..

that alone says a lot about his commitment and character, his unconditional love and devotion to me and the girls he loves and cares for as if they are his own children.. 

i think as adults we have a responsibility to teach our children about the boundaries of a healthy loving relationships with ourselves and with others, and that personal boundaries don’t equate to someone being an asshole..

I think my husband has had an unfair ride with being a step father and has somehow managed to rise above all these horrendous obstacles while maintaining to continue to support, provide, nourish, invest, expand, grow, and give everything he has and can out of his love..

this speaks volumes louder than all the hate in our world..so for that, I raise my grail of coffee this morning, the day before “fathers day” and give my beautiful husband who is never recognized his own day..

thank you for loving us unconditionally, for not giving up, for standing your ground, for not taking anybody elses shit, for teaching what loving a woman is supposed to look like, for having my back, for being a solid ground, for teaching morals and ethics that are prudent in a family, for never turning your back and for accepting the challenge of being the most beautiful strong elephant skinned step parent ever created! WE LOVE YOU..<3 ❤ ❤ peace love faith hope

 

  

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

whats your price for fashion and pain?

I tried on a pair of Jimmy CHoo high heeled sandals last week for shits and giggles because they happened to be my size (5) and were a snake skin iridescent goldish color that where tantalizing to my eyes..truthfully I put them on because I wanted to see what the big fucking deal was about such expensive shoes..

i put them on thinking I would instantly transform into a princess yet I didn’t and even went as far as trying to twirl in them..these babies were $569.89 (on sale mind you) so I should have felt like a million bucks, but truthfully I already feel like a queen in my last years red swedish hasbeen clogs.. Continue reading “whats your price for fashion and pain?”

#ifmywoundswerevisible

yesterday was WORLD NARCISSIST ABUSE AWARENESS DAY..all the haters can roll their eyes until their dizzy and pass out but this abuse is very real as real can be, its just extremely under the radar and covert creating traumatic invisible wounds that don’t externally bleed..

I grew up in a home with adoptive parents that consisted of a mother who suffers from this personality disorder and a co dependent father who is a professional enabler..you would never know the amount of dysfunction that went on in our home due to the extraordinary lengths my mother went through to be a pillar of goodness in all her external collective communities.. Continue reading “#ifmywoundswerevisible”

the American oxymoron “happy memorial day”..

I caught myself the other day at work being like every other ignorant American and wished my client a “happy” memorial day..i retracted my statement immediately with a look of apology thinking what an oxymoron that is and how truly insensitive it is to our people and country, as if we have been brainwashed to make it about something that it isnt..

we honor our dead with shopping and sales, BBQs and excessive parting, wishing everybody a happy memorial day making it look and feel like a full blown celebration instead..im not even sure why we have this holiday if we cant even STAND TOGETHER as a country for a moment collectively and unify ourselves with a moment of DESERVED silence and commemorate those who gave their service for our freedom..

I learned the true value of life while living in Israel, a country that is hated and criticized for actually being alive, yet somehow had the soul wisdom to shows more respect, love and honor for those that have fallen then most country’s as a collective whole..we have stolen and taken so many ideas and ways of other cultures over time, making them American, and have yet never incorporated a meaning and true intention to this grossly celebrated holiday..

so I took it upon myself to be the suburban housewife spokesperson and dedicate 5 minutes of my life this morning paying respect in a moment of silence for all of those who served and gave their lives for this country we live in..i have no shame in showing appreciation where it rightfully belongs, and standing as a proud American in honor of those who no longer stand before us..aren’t we the home of the free and the land of the brave? peace love faith hope ❤ ❤ ❤

 

 

I am the light..

I never realized how bright my light is until I came to terms with how disruptive and chaotic my environment had been surviving on emotional crumbs that I thought were full course meals of sustenance..i never put together that the ache in my emotional body was that of starvation, surviving on processed emotional nutrients of fuckedupness that nobody ever wanted to talk about because it requires to admit your deepest darkest truth about yourself that is spent in hiding..

being and feeling utterly abandoned from the get go, I “ate” whatever love looked like out of hunger, even if it was abusive not knowing any better trying to feel full and nourished on very limited longevity..i can remember always searching for something more, because that is essentially what you do when the happy meal wears off, accepting whatever comes your way like a street dog taking scraps from any stranger that wants to feed it.. Continue reading “I am the light..”

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