sometimes the universe has a divine way of showing up for you..

I have had a couple of unexpected validating moments recently and even more so have noticed them profoundly after having to make a crystal grid for a home work assignment for my crystal healing course im currently enrolled in…this grid I created from scratch was specifically made to help allow for my professional growth and transformation using crystals and elementals in a geometrical pattern choosing the Star of David because it was done during Rosh Hashanah..

yesterday, I was co hosting a podcast that we started a few weeks ago with a friend and were talking about past lives and reincarnation..dori, my co host was asking me to share in my experiences of what I believe to be a “knowing” and during my explanation of me believing that I was once an Egyptian (due to the feeling I got while living in Israel and in a land that I feel so abundantly connected too), I shit you not “walk like an Egyptian” by the bangles started playing in the background..i haven’t heard that song on the radio for YEARS.. Continue reading “sometimes the universe has a divine way of showing up for you..”

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victim +healing+ acceptance and self love= forgiveness

I really learned the art of forgiveness when I became hyper aware of the energy surrounding being a victim to the sins of self and the ideas, stigma and destructive feelings that had plagued me throughout my life when I stood knee deep in this unconscious yet suitable identify..

What I realized over time was the replaying of the role to any kind of circumstance after the act was already long gone and over, maintained the ideas and notions that would never ever allow me to heal and move forward which is prudent to the growth of our humanbeingness..

I know for a lot of people it develops into a real condition persona that continues to collect exterior enabling attention whether its good, bad or indifferent to serve that lower vibrational purpose that maintains a contaminated self..what causes those to want to maintain this ally with suffering mystifies me and those who support and nourish this victim mentality..

What I found and discovered personally in my own journey to really heal from the deep inside out, was how nourishing it was to offer my spirit a sense of feeling that gave me the permission to untied me to my situations that hurt me physically, mentally, emotionally and mostly spiritually..i have never been my experience nor does it define me, it was just something that happened to me that I COURAGIOUSELY decided to recovered from..

I made the decision after 4 self help books 12 years ago that i no longer wanted to choose the identity of the pain over the prospect of pleasure, making the reality of my own life more beautiful even if I was still looking out from a shit hole..eventually you will make it out if you commit to the work and process with discipline and forgiveness even when the shit hits the fan, and it will..

I think a lot of people hold on to this emotional charge to maintain the proof that it existed and happened along with keeping their sympathizing party, which is the worst thing you can do for your mind body spirit soul connections..it will breed all kinds of sickness and disease in the tissues and blood of our bodies manifesting a system to mimic and serve in you all that you continue to carry..

I started this journey with forgiveness with the one and only tool that could only set me free..THE MIRROR..

At first I saw myself as truly damaged and ugly,  ashamed of what was standing before myself in pain at the actual sight I saw reflecting back to me (can you imagine that of me today?)..it was horrible and very uncomfortable to look at while trying to find this awkward self again that I had banished somewhere else to live while inside I wanted to die..

The idea of true loneliness in a full world is something every one feels at one time or another that nobody admits too out of shame and whatever other words you want to attach to it..my spirit was lost somewhere between loath and hated while trying to survive because I believed all the grotesque things that were used to once describe me from others, but mostly that i used on myself..

Discipline and practice is essential and somewhere months later it got easier in the mirror as I began to soften and love what I saw again..The she I had abandoned long ago began to arise from the ashes of my own structure of hell and make her way back into the shell of the body that was waiting for her..

I began to care again what I was doing and the habits and behavior that was no longer offering me the same style of comfort it once had..I really found love again inside the places of my self that I had once despised offering up the act of forgiveness that untied me to this place I finally had the courage to outgrow..

The gift for me personally was the moment I made divine contact with myself, it began to free up all the outer things that were once designed to bring me down..i unattached myself from others and things as a severe form of self care, which again gave way to loads of abuse externally but it didn’t matter anymore..for the first time, i was more than ok with the choices i had to make to save myself instead..

As wonderful as acknowledged apology may be, forgiveness has never been about the expression of others yet the service department of your own personal self taking full responsibility for your participation..no body will ever be able to give to you what you are not willing to give to yourself and that is where many have it wrong maintaining their victimhood..

I have an unconditional forgiveness plan with myself that doesn’t expire, and allow for error and humanness because that is what we are..i don’t seek out perfection or expect things to always work out the best and when i fuck up, i try my hardest to own it, even if it makes me cry and hate myself and dust myself off after the pity party is over..

If your interested in forgiveness, i mean the real try and true authentic kind and not the sugar coated bullshit social media kind..i double dog dare you to get together with a mirror and deeply find the roots and soul behind the mask and introduce yourself for the first real time..p.s come prepared with tissue..peace love faith hope ❤ ❤ ❤

 

 

 

 

 

im blowing the whistle..toot toot

Ive spent the last 10 years openly writing about some emotionally charged topics most people cant, wont, are too scared, in denial to ever talk about..it started as an outlet for me to purge the grotesqueness that I had felt offering me a healthy way to bring to the surface a truth that I am no longer ashamed or afraid to speak about..

I gave myself this gift of permission to tell my own story of survival and how I had to give my self the acceptance to heal..you must decided to put your self first and not worry about what all the haters are going to say and do..they will play dirty with hopes of destroying you and will even stoop to lows with your kids in hopes of manipulating them against you (another form of abuse)..TRUE STORY

Any time you decide to put yourself out there, you run into the vast lands of vulnerability good, bad and or indifferent opening yourself up to exposer of critique and criticism..i have discovered that there are more people who identify with my blogs offering them a little bit of hope in the isolation of shame, shedding light on subjects that need to be talked about..

Its a natural feeling to not want to deal with your shit, neatly sweeping it under the carpet making the show room in your living room of life one fat problem of denial..you see, many people maintain a persona that is the designed opposite of what they hide purposely to derail you from knowing and seeing its utter truth..

If you could get a glimpse into the secret compartment of storage that housed all these thoughts, feelings, ideas, experiences, shame, guilt and abuse, you would see that they are wounded and hurt, suffering in pain (physical, emotional, spiritual) that is masked by whatever their “cocktail of deceit is” ..it is a façade, that at times they don’t even realize, that as long as the cover is veiled, their story is sealed tight..

I guess you could call me the whistle blowers to the atrocities that happened in the dynamics of a fucked up family..

Imagine the audacity at one of the holiest holidays of the Jewish religion (rosh hashana) to still be consumed about what Im doing, while using this platform with my ex in law/family to talk smack about me at their dinner table to MY own children in hopes of smearing my character and manipulating them against me..that is a FORM OF ABUSE YOU FUCKING IDIDOTS>>

Im blowing the whistle TOOOOT TOOOOOOOT, until people learn its not ok to deliberately try hurt other people (MY CHILDREN) from the pain, anguish and patheticness of their own state of being..stop being a coward and find a way to face your truth, or stop trying to purposely hurt the people left for you to love and focus on that! peace love faith hope ❤ ❤ ❤

 

 

 

 

whats my name?

I went to my healer yesterday and had a profound revelation that I knew existed deep within, yet just had never given it letters and the real space and air to manifest into a spoken breath..the work of self is not an easy one and is often abandoned mid way though because who actually wants to feel something that they have to acknowledge and heal..

Let me rewind it back to yesterday morning when my husband got out of bed at 6 am and I reached for my crystal (moldivite) to meditate with while i connected to my spirit..lets be honest, i ended up falling back asleep having the most prophetic dream instead that was so intense I could literally feel the dream happening in real time..

I dreamt I was cleaning (go figure) what looked to be some sort of bedroom and out of no where in that moment I buckled over, actually feeling the physical body of something birthing out of me..i grabbed ahold of it in my pants as it gently fell out only feeling the supreme heaviness of it in my hands and then it was over..

I explained this dream to my healer and all the other signs and symbols i have been receiving while acting as an observer in my life right now, just watching and listening..while chit chatting with her about a course my husband and i are taking together next week on Chinese medicine and the use of crystals, it dawned on me when i stated out loud that I needed to “STEP OUT OF MARCIE IN ORDER FOR IT TO HAPPEN” did this divine shift begin to click..

It dawned on me in that moment of absolute clarity my honest disconnection to my name..i have always disliked it never enjoying its tone or sound and that self of me who i am not, making that statement have so much electricity..i literally had to move away from her in order to give my authentic self permission to do something of joy and education i didn’t believe i should deserve or be entitled too..

This began the conversation of how i have never felt a connection to this name “MARCIE” (my husband and i have spoken about this) nor the persona i was supposed to be that was given to me by my adoptive parents..it actually has brought vile from my belly when i would hear certain people growl my name out of their mouths making it almost hideous for me to endure..that is the residue damage left from my adoption and the abuse i was subjected too if you want the truth..

I had a first name believe it or not at birth “lisa” that i feel no connection too either that my biological mother gave me as she handed me off to social services..not sure if she just picked  a name (because that too was too painful i would assume) and slapped it on the birth certificate for it to be changed and made pretty for the sake of my new set of parents, or if it was something that she nurtured me with while i was growing in her belly..

I wonder what she had really called me in her womb and how it felt to respond to her voice when she breathed my name..did you know that fetal cells stay in circulation of the mothers body for 27 years after birth making the connection between child and mother that much more profound..in the kabbalah it is stated that the mother has the intuition of your name giving you something basically magical from her divine wisdom..

it finally occurred to me during my healing session as painful as it was to admit that i was never once named after the divine essence of who i am and who i was supposed to be to her, like i done for my own daughters..

life is interesting in a painful yet exhilarating way, and takes you through ebbs and flows of highs and lows and ins and outs spitting you out where ever you are supposed to be..

yesterday i found myself on a new journey of discovery to find my OWN NAME that belongs to me for the very first time, no longer feeling compelled to have to step out of the way for myself to come through, for i am no longer her anymore..peace love faith hope ❤ ❤ ❤ 

 

  

what ever happened to the fundamentals of coping skills..

Last week I was doing my clients nails who is well into her 80’s and she was telling me a story about her dining experience at her assisting living place the left her laughing..i was floored at the story about how the woman in her community still engage in the middle/high school bully behavior of not allowing someone outside their social circle to sit at their table purposely behaving and acting like mean girls with 80 year old wrinkles..

The truth is regardless of all the light that has been shed on the topic bulling, I don’t think that its any different now then it was back when I was growing up..the biggest difference that I see now a days is that you have the opportunity to smear it all over social media both glorifying a victim and an asshole in the single click of a button because attention is attention no matter what form it comes in..

social media has become the largest offender and has made it possible for anyone to rally against another and annihilate you publically whether the information is correct or not..you just need a sensitive topic with a story and you can create a media frenzy in a split second because we are overly stimulated to feel sensitive and react to everything that goes on that conflicts us..we have no coping tools for this style of behavior because it is extremely foreign to us post 2007..

we have somehow managed to train our children into entitled assholes instead of teaching them COPING TOOLS and SKILLS..we have forced them to behave in a manner that “sharing is caring” which in the real world, it really isn’t..im pretty sure if went up to a person who was driving the Gwagon Mercedes with a temper tantrum that i didn’t have one (waa waa) and decided to take the truck without permission for a joy ride because sharing is caring, id be in jail for grand auto theft.. 

We have taught our children to believing that their rewards in life should be bigger than their effort, (how many of you have done their work for them) applauding the mediocre and that everyone is a winner even if one hasn’t earned that right..part of this bully mentality comes from your actual home with parents who dictate and control every physical emotional spiritual move of their kids behaving like the grand master of all bullies..have I struck a nerve yet?

The amount of BS one subscribes to has taken us away from the fundamentals of our own home front leading us to point the finger everywhere else but here..we blow more smoke up unqualified peoples asses who truthful don’t deserve the platform to which they soap box on because social media has given the opportunity to make every one relevant for their 15 minutes of social media fame..

What you allow, will continue no matter the shape and form to which it comes and happens in..you want change for your children and society, you better muster up the courage to take a long hard look in that mirror of yours and see who you really are in all transparency..there is nothing more unattractive than someone talking the talk on social media or in their group of soldiers who doesn’t walk their talk at all..peace love faith hope ❤ ❤ ❤

  

 

 

why I chose to retire my party animal spirit <3

I used to be a partier back in my late teens all the way up to my 30s, almost to the point of what’s now considered “binging”..i always seemed to want to extend the fun or in hindsight numb my pain which ever was more prominent in that specific moment or time in my life..

For me, I could ride that fine line of having so much fun with a bottle of wine or my rolled up joint with friends escaping a truth I didn’t have the tools to face..whats even more bizarre at the time was to believe I had felt so incredibly happy (that was false) and pathetic in a collected moment of my excessive wastedness all at the same time..

I think for a lot of people who like to remain emotionally invisible or anonymous, it becomes more of a form of constructed denial hiding behind their substance of choice..I thinks its why I liked pot and wine so much in my younger years because one made me laugh till I cried and the other took me far away to a land where nobody could hurt me because I was numb..

I think if I would have remained on this course of fuckupness, I would have been labeled a functioning alcoholic by the American medical standards, and a really FUN chick to hang out with by my friends and society..thats how crazy out of control the epidemic of drinking and partying is for so many people whether you want to acknowledge it or not..

My unintentional clarity moment came when i became physically challenged with my severe neck problem that ultimately led me to need my neck (c3-c7) fused together..i was prescribed a cocktail of high end narcotics (thank god I didn’t have an addiction problem) to take the pain away, which it never even touched because the kind of hell if found myself in required of me to feel (I believe) for the first time ever..

what dawned on me during this time was no matter how many tick tack drugs I ate, I had to figure out a way to survive my pain..i would cry in childs pose alone for hours begging to save me from myself..i could  actually feel in my body all the pent up emotions start to exhume from the vault of self, transitioning to this physical pain and the only way out was to crawl back in..

My years at yoga prior to my entering hell, taught me about my breath and the importance of finding it in any type of practice..this is essentially what saved me from my drugged up self and began the connection back to my spirit the moment the IV of morphine was pulled from my arm after surgery 2 months later..

As much physical recovery pain I was in, I made a pact to get my mind body and soul back together and begin to feel myself as a part of my collective spirit..i began to cut ties and cords, letting go of the emotional baggage of other people beliefs and the beliefs I created because of it and the feelings and things that were only going to sabotage my inner work..

I began to really get back into my spiritual practice that I had once abandon and begin to really sit with myself allowing my recovery to recover my spirit..my biggest hurdle was finding the courage to love myself enough to do it and be over selfish regardless of how others would respond..

After retiring my party animal spirit, I discovered who was still going to invite me to hang even though I had chosen to go pretty clean..at gatherings, even now, i would be asked why i don’t drink anymore as if that was a bad thing, enduring their conversation of why I should have a drink threw their sloppiness and slurred words thinking REALLY..

I think for a lot of grown up adults its unusual to just give up that substance that makes you feel good just because..i think for many they cant understand or put together the connections as to why this type of binge drinking is actually slowly destroying themselves and the environment to which they need to be wasted in..i think for most, they don’t want to see themselves with a problem but just a pure love for the party..

Drink responsibly, don’t put others in harms way because of your stupidity, teach your children good coping skills and not to believe you need to have a drink at the end of a “hard day”, and if its begins to not feel so good, its because it isn’t.. and remember don’t be a hatter for a party pooper <3…peace love faith hope ❤

 

  

I applied to be a TEDTALK presenter..

I applied to be a TED TALK DETROIT presenter a while back, thinking about how fun it would be to get up on stage and story tell as to how I came into working with crystals and the healthy benefits of alternative healing that are just as important to the mind body and spirit connection..

I think when I filled out the application I was half serious and half taking the piss being silly with myself, really just acting out of the bravery of my inner will wanting to spiritually begin to farm my ideas wherever they may grow..

Sometimes you have to be willing to go outside of your normal domain if you want to play in the big league to get anywhere other than where you currently already are..it requires, no DEMANDS of you to step OUT and be vulnerable and susceptible for any type of open criticism that may come your way..

The irony in all this for me personally was the amount of positive supportive feed back I received regardless of the overall outcome because of who I am, what I do and the power to which I do it..

There will always be snarky naysayers who will try to derail you from your journey, yet those are the people who are motivated out of their own lack of worth looking to rain on your parade while then turning around and try to make it their own..

I waited patiently for months to a response that came with a regret to inform you email, that out of 109 submissions with only 8 time slots available, yours wasn’t one that we chose to select..

After rereading it several times with admittedly a bit of relief, I decided that this was an excellent form of rejection and opportunity..Instead of seeing it as a negative, ive decided to run with it and take this year to really work on my shit so I can actually submit a real application with a video and some resumes esk details for next time..

If life offers you some sort of a road block, you have the decision to make as to how important it is for you to arrive at your destination..sometimes you have to be willing to navigate roads less traveled to arrive at where you want to be and those who have become successful are the ones who didn’t give up after the first road block..

So salute to my first TEDTALK rejection and thank you for even reviewing my application and taking the time to decline..if I have lit a fire cracker up some one elses ass by wanting to to apply for this brilliant platform themselves now, than I have successfully spiritual influenced and inspired someone other than myself..peace love faith hope ❤ ❤ ❤

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ive tried on the age of 50, and I feel like a warrior badass goddess..

I like to round up my numbers to the nearest tenth, mostly because I suck at math and it makes adding easier for me..at my age of 48 counting on my fingers isn’t attractive any more and if you knew me in person you would understand that for me counting on my fingers is a disadvantage based on the fact that im missing half of one to count..(insert laughter and snorting)

So I have been trying on lately (for shits and giggles) this coming age of 50 by rounding up my number when telling my age, wearing it around feeling kinda sexy proud that im almost a half a century old..its almost like the expensive handbag I used to visit at nordstroms that I would pretend was mine and proclaim that one day I would really be able to take it home..then one day my husband surprised me with the bag and the rest has become my Rebecca minkoff history..

There is something about getting older and doing it gracefully that I have embraced physically, mentally and spiritually that I am more in tuned too now than I ever was in my 20 and 30s..i really care about what I choose to nourish my body with for sustenance surrounding food and energetic properties and have broken up with lots of things that no longer benefit me in this powerful ageless growth process that I now don’t really give a shit about..

I believe stress, diet, and our emotions are a leading factor to so many health problems taking a toll on our over all being and making the aging process much faster than you can imagine..i had the neck of an old haggard lady prior to my surgical fusion (c3-c7) almost 9 years ago at the age of 39, realizing the amount of unnecessary stress I held captive in every crevice of my body..with a sheet of titanium and 8 screws and bolts, my neck is held together beautifully and I don’t take this life for granted any more..

Ive been noticing my menstrual cycle slowly beginning to fade away naturally with its lengthy absence, and then reappearing out of no where..with the support and help of my husband, I go for acupuncture (he’s the best) and a healer to help stabilize, balance and nourish all these wonderful transitions physically and emotionally so I am healthy as I change, grow, heal and evolve into the later part of my years..

I think there is something sexy in the coming age of 50 and the freedom of being secure in my skin that I have grown to love wrinkles, cellulite and flabby skin and all..its almost like the new 30’s except I am wiser and no longer in need to contribute to bullshit conversations and false friendships that are there as smoke, mirrors and social climbing during the season of raising your children..i can finally be the me WITHOUT APPOLOGY..

So salute to the woman of the real 50, who wear their age like a WARRIOR BADASS GODDESS of divine feminine..im happily coming for you ❤ peace love faith hope

 

*inspired by coffee, love, and deep committed training..

*educate your self in a way that allows you to set your intention to something your authentically doing that bring you joy and happiness, regardless of the exterior voices that chirp to diminish your natural creativity..

*stay grounded in your purpose if what you are doing is a healthy outlet that promotes your souls ability to manifest the growth within that has the opportunity to create abundance and prosperity around you..

*remain true to your own path and not the path of guilt that has been assigned to you, even if it seems discouraging at times making it feel hard for you to travel on a rocky road alone, it is here you will find your greatest insights of the world around you.. Continue reading “*inspired by coffee, love, and deep committed training..”

how emotional dis ease can affect our health on an energetic level..

I had a crystal revelation moment (most of you from facebook will probably stop reading at this point) while I was outside rereading my vibrational medicine book..it was part of my reading curriculum for the crystal healing certification course I completed in the winter, finding the book highly fascinating and educational in my evolution of being a healing spiritual influencer..

Sometimes we tend to move through things out of pure excitement and joy missing the elemental factors that are in plane sight..we are so occupied with binging everything that excites us, not really paying as close attention as we should be missing key factors that eventually, hopefully we pick back up in other ways, maybe..

When we think of the human body from an energetic point of view (go ahead and put your kookoo hat on for a minute), we have the ability to view our “body” from an etheric advantage, expanding outward moving into emotional, vital and astral auras bodies of our entire being..yes, they actually exist..

So basically our human energy field is like a radiating bubble around us..it making us vulnerable and susceptible to many factors we come in contact with verbally, emotionally, mentally and physically that we never actually gave thought or value too in terms of ourselves and with others..you can be affected without ever noticing you have actually been violated and dumbed on.

Take for instance (flow with me) someone standing in line at a store while being privy to a heated argument between two other people standing in the same line..while nobody is ever needing to physically put hands on another to be affected, the words and emotional exchange alone hold a charge that penetrates into your own astral field of energy..this has a subtle effect depending on the experience believe it or not, which is thankfully in this situation just a temporary moment of inconvenience..

Its really the same analogy (to break it down for you better) if you were all collectively taking a shit together in the same bathroom with individual toilets and simultaneously flushing your waste with the seats covers open..this then leads to having all the bacteria from the toilet come up and microscopically spatter its contents on and around you contaminating you without you really noticing but maybe being slightly grossed out..this is why I flush with the seat down..

If you are sensitive enough to other people energy, you might walk out of a situation thats compromised you in your energy field feeling tired, drained, annoyed simply by being subjected too it, just like you would be polluted in a bathroom..most people in general are not even aware of what they pick up like toxic cling, walking around the rest of the day with some one else’s funk on them..now imagine living your life in constant energetic infestation..

Sometimes we even happen to continue the story of what we experienced at the store, internalizing it past one of our external senses that alters our thoughts and emotions for the rest of the day..this could cause us to become agitated, or bitchy, feeling sluggish or have an upset stomach without ever piecing together the cause and effect that it had taking it into our lives uninvited..

What occurred to me while I was reading was the idea of working to purify each unseen but very real layer of our energetic field that we have and reprograming the thoughtforms that have found a way to nestle and bury themselves into each existing layer all the way into our physical body..boy that was one long very scientific sentence for someone who couldn’t pass a biology or chemistry course EVER in her educational years..snort snort

Think about it for a scientific minute, every 7 years our cells regenerate all on their own basically creating a new series of nuclear building block for our entire being yet in the same energetic space and structure..by the way, every 7 years we move into a different chakra starting with birth at what is called the ROOT CHAKRA within our body system learning the values of each of its 7 centers..every 7 years we move up the chakra system and at the age of 49 they reset all together and then we begin living what we learned in each chakra beginning at the root..

How might this be important, well, if you think about it from a energetic point of view, every 7 years something profound is happening around and within us on a molecular and energetic level, without us ever knowing..when you become aware of all the things that surround you and go into the presence of being a human being with this much energy, you actually have more power over your health than what has been thought about and provided to us.. 

Although our cells might be new, the negative energetic compound of dis ease programmed into these place (sometimes lifetimes) continues to contain all of negative charged components..so if it goes unhealed emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically the cells don’t really have a chance and begin to change into the condition of the old pattern again repeating the same behavior on a molecular level..god that was exhausting to explain..

The problem for most people I find is actually seriously working on their emotional shit..i mean really getting down and dirty allowing a true authentic real (no bullshit for instagram or facebook) healing to permitalty take place to what they have been subjected too and what they subjected others too..the biggest obstacle is the continuous loop lie we tell ourselves and everyone else over and over again to avoid the work that is necessary..

Instead, you see a growing number of repetitive problems with personality disorders, nutrition problems, addictive behaviors, entitled, lazy, egotistical culture of humans unaccountable for their own state of mind, health and over all being pointing their fingers at every one else because its too HARD..no one wants to feel their pain and as a society we lack compassion and kindness for those who suffer..its much easier to diagnose and prescribe as a solution while the core problems continue to manifest..

You can have a life that isnt full of emotional, toxic thought infested mental static energetic yucky cling that will continue to penetrate and make you sick over and over again that no drug will ever begin to kill.. you are apart of the antidote HEAL THY SELF..for shits and giggle,  just notice the energy around you the next time you are around anything you don’t like (people, places, things) and  notice how you feel in your body participating in it and what your body does with the energy because of it..peace love faith  ❤ ❤ ❤

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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